𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖬𝖮𝖮𝖭 𝖨𝖭 𝖧𝖨𝖲 𝖤𝖸𝖤𝖲 | 𝖳𝖧𝖤𝖮 𝖭𝖮𝖳𝖳 #𝖳𝖳𝖲2

10

SHE WOULD BE PROUD OF YOU

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Theo remained silent and sat next to Nabia Áine once Willow left back to class. He felt a huge knot forming in his throat as all the self-loathe and deprecation for his own self started to cook in the depth of his guts.

Some days had gone by since Theo and Lena had their last encounter at the Slytherin common room. They hadn't exactly avoided each other since then, but the accumulation of homework and their own social lives took over their time pretty soon, making a chat happening between them a bit impossible. But right now, Theo could only wish she was there because, whenever Marlena was there, she occupied his mind so much Theo didn't have time to think about how much he hated himself.

He had come to the lake in a good mood, thinking how cheerful he was that Nabia was there. He adored that woman with all his heart, the only positive maternal figure he had ever had. And even though he was unable to say it aloud because of how much he struggled to voice his emotions, he genuinely loved her as any other son would have loved his mother.

He was even a bit embarrassed to admit to himself that whenever he tried to imagine Grace Nott, neé Rosier, his own mother, he could only see Nabia's face.

 He wished he could at least have a picture of Grace so he could have something of his own, a memory that his father couldn't taint, but that did not happen. He used to have one, when he was 7 years old, given by one of the elves at the Nott manor and if he squished his mind properly he could even sort of remember the lovely lady in it; brown, long and wavy, silky hair, green warm eyes and full cheeks with a wide smile on her lips. A happier and warmer female version of Theo. She was pregnant in that picture and was caressing her belly very fondly. 

Theo had made lots of questions that day; what was she like? Was she happy to have me? Did she love Father?

And the elves had answered every single one of them; she had studied in Drumstrang - an attempt of her family to make her a proper blood supremacist that didn't succeed. Grace was too pure for that. She never loved Theodore Nott Sr, he was way older than her and a fucking bigot, but she had been forced to marry him by her family. Nonetheless, even after enduring all types of torture because of Nott Sr's obsession with her and her beauty, Grace was so incredibly happy to have a baby of her own. Everybody always told her she would be the best mum in the world. 

How fucking ironic.

That night Theo had learnt at his tender and young age that the mistreatment she had suffered from his father during her pregnancy made said pregnancy dangerous both for her and her baby. Sadly, because of these tortures, Grace didn't survive labour. The last thing she wanted to happen occurred; her little baby Theo -- named after her first boyfriend and love of her life and not after her disgusting husband -- was alone in the world with that monster.

And that same night, after finding an answer to all of those questions, Theo met the consequences of asking too much about Grace. When Nott Sr found out, he burnt the picture, the last memory of Grace, and rubbed the burning ashes in little Theo's back, delighting in his sobs and screams in agony. 

Theo couldn't remember his mum, the trauma had forced him to forget. And he thought that perhaps it was better that way, because how would Grace feel if she knew what her son turned out to be?

That was why he felt terrified of ruining Nabia's life -- as he had done with his mum's, in his opinion -- when he knew about the Áine woman divorcing Daelan. Because he knew how much Willow's dad hated him and he knew how much Nabia cared about him. Theo would not forgive himself if he was the cause of Nabia's suffering.