MONDAY April 27, 2020
Jules and I are binge-watching Alone, a last-person-standing contest of solitary wilderness survival. In lockdown, I have much in common with the contestants in Alone, with a few minor differences. For instance, I don't have to wipe my butt with moss because I was stocking up on TP before it was a "thing" and have enough to last until September. And I can go to grocery store for food so I don't have to trap and eat the cats to avoid starvation. And I don't need to chop up our furniture for firewood. Also, I'm in lockdown with another person, and wish I were alone whereas the contestants are alone and wish they were with other people. Overall, though, it's a pretty similar experience.
TUESDAY April 28, 2020
One thing I have in common with Alone contestants is not being able to bathe properly. I am starving for a book! Call library to ask why my books aren't ready after a month and the librarian whines about how they have 2,500 books on hold and people (like me) keep calling and interrupting her so she can't get any work done. I suggest she stop answering the phone and go pull my books and she hangs up on me! The nerve!
WEDNESDAY April 29, 2020
Jules tells me she is going up to the cabin tomorrow! Yes! Finally I get some alone time! Then she says she's going because she needs some space, from me. What?!? The nerve!
THURSDAY April 30, 2020
While packing car, Jules suggests I take shower instead of waiting for book to take bath. Explain that it's the principle of the thing. She says she'll be back after I've bathed. Grrr. Suddenly have lightbulb moment: Ebooks can be downloaded without waiting for librarians! After hours of "research" (i.e. wallowing in black hole of YouTube), choose Kobo and spend a sixth of my as-yet-undeposited stimulus money on it. I'm supporting the economy... of Canada!
FRIDAY May 1, 2020
Last night one of the resident cats peed on the bed... on Jules's side. Guess they miss her. Well, it serves her right for leaving. Was going to text her about it but couldn't find the right emoji.
SATURDAY May 2, 2020
E-reader arrives! Finally, can take a bath! Try to find book to check out, but nothing I want is available because everyone else switched to ebooks, too! [Bleep]! This emotional rollercoaster is just like what Alone contestants go through when they catch a fish one day and are ecstatic, but don't catch another for a week and have to eat grass. Plus, I miss Jules.
SUNDAY May 3, 2020
Library finally has a book for me! When I call to arrange pickup, librarian is very nice. When I say, "Have a good day," she says, "Have a better one." And when I pick the books up, I see she has written "Thank You" on the book tag, with a smiley face. No one else's books have a smiley face. Obviously, librarian didn't recognize my voice from when I called on Tuesday! At last, I can bathe, and Jules can come home. Wait. What? [Bleep]! A cat pooped on the bath mat!
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OMG: A Journal of the Pandemic Year(s)
HumorIt's 2020 and the pandemic has hit! OMG! If you're reading this, you've survived. So far. Now you need a laugh, or two, or seventeen. You need OMG. Join our hapless hero as she copes with the global impact of COFEVE-19, faces off monoliths and the T...
