MONDAY May 11, 2020
Water heater fixed! I have book! Can take bath! Run bath. Step in. Jump out. [Bleep]! Too hot! Drain half and fill with cooler water. Step in. Jump out. [Bleep]! Too cold! Drain half and fill with warmer water. Step in. Sit down. Aaaah. Just right. Life is good! Open my book. Wait, it's called Blind Your Ponies? Oh no, do horses get hurt in it?!? Can't risk reading it. Huh. Guess I can bathe without a book after all. Don't tell Jules I said that!
TUESDAY May 12, 2020
Feel like new woman now that I'm clean and wearing real clothes (including underwear!) and house no longer smells like armpit. Am totally over COVID. [Bleep] the face mask, [bleep] social distancing. I'm going to church and will drink bleach if I start feeling sick! Just kidding! I don't go to church.
WEDNESDAY May 13, 2020
So sick of hearing about COVID! Instead, will focus on election. [Bleep]! Big mistake. Choices are between two old white men with dementia? Is it too much to ask that a candidate for president of the most powerful country in the world be able to formulate a coherent sentence?
THURSDAY May 14, 2020
To prepare for second COVID wave, have been learning from Alone about wild foods. In park behind house, pick leaf from dandelion. Spit it out. [Bleep]! Bitter! But plantains are surprisingly tasty, for a weed. Hope I didn't just eat coyote pee. Jules has gone back to the cabin so am binge watching all the science fiction shows she doesn't like. Feel like a loser after six hours in front of TV, but am also loving it!
FRIDAY May 15, 2020
Two masked people walking opposite directions in the park meet, stand three feet apart, take off masks, chat. After going separate ways, put masks back on again. WTF? Do they think only strangers have COVID?
SATURDAY May 16, 2020
Fell asleep in recliner and in morning can't find glasses. Have you ever tried to find your glasses while not wearing your glasses? Located them by feel, smushed between cushions, thankfully intact. Bifocals ain't cheap!
SUNDAY May 17, 2020
WTF? Foster cat pooped on floor! [Bleep]! Clearly, Char and Muffin have been giving him ideas!
YOU ARE READING
OMG: A Journal of the Pandemic Year(s)
HumorIt's 2020 and the pandemic has hit! OMG! If you're reading this, you've survived. So far. Now you need a laugh, or two, or seventeen. You need OMG. Join our hapless hero as she copes with the global impact of COFEVE-19, faces off monoliths and the T...
