8️⃣ The Wolf Behind the Veil
by AStridGSmile12
Judge: fLOoPyNoOdLe013x
Title: 16/20
Cover: 16/20
Blurb: 11/15
Writing style: 10/10
Pacing and fluidity: 32/35
Setting description: 17/20
Character description: 6/10
Dialogue: 16/20
Grammar: 21/25
Plot: 25/30
Character development: 21/25
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
Total: 198/240
The Wolf Behind the Veil is a great original idea! Starla and her wolf's dynamic is both interesting and amusing, to say the least. You can clearly see the differences between them but then when it all comes down to it, they finally decide to stick together and they really persevere. And Avery is such a lovable character! It's adorable how caring he is to Starla.
The only thing I might suggest is to add a bit more life to it. A bit more eXtRaVaGaNcE. The characters and storylines are great, they really are! But if you could find something to give it, your own unique style, I'm positive it will make all the difference.
🐺🐺🐺
9️⃣ Chosen To Hunt:
Hunters of Hawkview High
by AStridGSmile12
Total: 197
⚔️🧛♂️⚔️
🔟 The Alastair Files
by ethan_ember
Total: 195
🙀😱🙀
1️⃣1️⃣ Up To The Flame
by BreanneLHeureux
Total: 185
🍷🧛♂️🍷
1️⃣2️⃣ Midnight murder
by Symply_debby_
Judge: Ash Donovan
Title: 19/20
Cover: 17/20
Blurb: 15/15
Writing style: 7/10
Pacing and fluidity: 26/35
Setting description: 12/20
Character description: 7/10
Dialogue: 17/20
Grammar: 23/25
Plot: 20/30
Character development: 15/25
Overall enjoyment: 6/10
Total: 184/240
The story itself is interesting, though a bit cliché. There are some inconsistencies with plot that don't seem very realistic. For example, peeing in an ally when there are plenty of cafés or stores in the town she could have went to instead; snatching a whole wallet from the kidnapper and then conveniently forgetting it in her pocket; her mom letting her go to the park on her own with a serial killer on the loose...
Pacing is too fast. You should emphasise more on the descriptions of crime scenes and feelings of the character.
There are few grammar and punctuation issues. At times your sentences are too short or you repeat the word "and" within the same sentence.
You did really good for a first story though so keep on writing!
🙀😱🙀
1️⃣3️⃣ Blood bride
by Chaosimsystem_
Total: 182
🍷🧛♂️🍷
1️⃣4️⃣ Demon Heart
by Chaosimsystem_
Judge: inspiredwriter3456
Title: 17/20
Cover: 20/20
Blurb: 12/15
Writing style: 6/10
Pacing and fluidity: 33/35
Setting description: 13/20
Character description: 6/10
Dialogue: 14/20
Grammar: 14/25
Plot: 22/30
Character development: 16/25
Overall enjoyment: 6/10
Total: 179/240
Since it’s been mentioned English is a second language, I did my best to be as fair yet considerate as I could possibly be. I completely understand the struggle of writing English when you’re used to another, and I hope my suggestions are helpful.
Firstly, I love the cover, it’s a huge improvement on the previous one. And while the title is very commonplace (several results of books with practically the same title), it suits the story and its genre. Though it might be a bit too on the nose? Then again, it brings enough curiosity that it still works as a good title.
As for the rest of the book, it has the right idea and an interesting plot, but the execution could use work. The pacing is overall great and there aren’t any noticeable filler chapters or unnecessary time jumps. However, everything is really disorganized and I’m having a hard time capturing a solid idea of how the plot is progressing through the scenes. There’s also a lack of description in most of the scenes and the dialogue is a little bland and doesn’t really push the story forward. There are also a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes, though that part is understandable.
For the difficulty with English, using online spelling checkers and word processors like Google Docs can help pick out mistakes you otherwise might miss. You can even read out loud or ask a friend to review your work to see if there are areas you can improve on, since spelling checkers and word processors aren’t foolproof. As for finding the right balance of dialogue, description, and action, that takes practice. But reading and analyzing books (like finding what the author does well and what they can do better) can help you learn to pick out things like good dialogue and how to write a balanced description. Additionally, if you’re the kind of writer who likes planning your books, using timelines or plot outlines can help organize things so everything goes in order. You don’t have to follow plot outlines exactly, it’s just there as a guide to help you figure out what in the world you’re writing when you’re lost yourself. Otherwise, you’re doing a wonderful job, so keep up the great work!
❤️🩹🖤❤️🩹
1️⃣5️⃣ Paranormal Facts
by Bboyshow
Judge: Ash Donovan
Title: 20/20
Cover: 19/20
Blurb: 15/15
Writing style: 9/10
Pacing and fluidity: 18/35
Setting description: 10/20
Character description: 7/10
Dialogue: 10/20
Grammar: 23/25
Plot: 15/30
Character development: 13/25
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Total: 169/240
Since this isn't a novel and some of the score points aren’t applicable, I wrote the average score for pacing, setting descriptions, dialogue, plot and character development.
I loved the chapter about The Black Zodiac and I haven't heard about any of the stories or places mentioned in your book. It was an interesting read.
☠️🔮☠️
