Matilda | Harry Styles

SIXTEEN

"Harry! Harry! Look this way! Please, look this way!"

I flinched as if I was the one being shouted at, as I followed Stella and Ally out of the car. We got out on the opposite side to Harry, and cameras were immediately on him - the three of us bundled off to the side, away from the carpet, and Harry, as if it was mere routine, stopped in front of the car.

I'd never been on a red carpet before - I supposed, I technically wasn't on one now. I stood at the periphery - not that I was complaining - watching Harry stand as casually as if he were waiting in line at a supermarket. I glanced over at Stella, who looked somewhat like she belonged out there with him; she looked beautiful, like a star in her own right. I felt a bit like a child playing dress-up beside her.

When I'd been told a few days ago that I would be accompanying Harry, Ally and Stella to LA for an award show - without Elin, Sarah, Mitch, or Pauli - I'd immediately felt terrified. I knew I was needed to continue documenting Harry's time on tour, but I couldn't help but feel like I was being thrown into the deep end. I'd barely even grown accustomed to the tour, as it was, and that was with spending time with people I'd grown rather close with, and repeating near enough the same routine, day in and day out - this felt like a whole different ballpark. This felt even bigger.

I'd told Grace near enough straight away, and the very first sentence out of her mouth had been - "What are you going to wear?"  and I'd frozen. I'd been too anxious about every other factor of the situation, that it hadn't even crossed my mind to be anxious about that factor. Surely I wouldn't be expected to wear anything special.

"Of course you will," Elin had told me, swatting playfully at Pauli as he moved past her to take a seat on the armchair in the corner of the room. The pair of us sat on the floor of my hotel room, with an open suitcase sprawled across it in front of us, and I'd sheepishly asked her if I was expected to dress up for this event.

"But I won't even be where people can see me," I frowned.

"You will," she said as if it were obvious. "You're still representing Harry - people will take any opportunity to tear you to shreds over the tiniest thing - including whatever you're wearing."No pressure, then.

"I don't even know why I have to go," I groaned, covering my face with my hands, exasperated.

"I guess Harry just wants you there," Pauli remarked, causing Elin to giggle. I rolled my eyes, but couldn't ignore the thump in my chest. Did he?

"Don't you have your wardrobe budget?" Elin asked me, returning to the original subject, tilting her head to one side. I nodded. Though there were stylists for the tour, predominantly for the band, I'd been given a few items when we started. Otherwise, it never really mattered what I wore - I was only there to capture the others, and so I would dress as casually as I could get away with. But, in my contract, and as Ally had later clarified for me - I was given a budget, separate from my salary, to purchase clothes for the tour with. Truthfully, I hadn't even considered making a dent in that budget yet - I'd had a million other things on my mind, to the point where my outfits were the very last thing I needed to contemplate. But then again, I supposed I hadn't needed to, until now.

"And?" she asked, prompting me to continue.

"I haven't used any of it yet," I confessed, and she rolled her eyes, though I knew she was only playing around.

"What is it for, Izzy, if not to spend?" she threw her hands up. "It's okay, we'll find you something."

I had only a mere few hours until I needed to catch my flight with the others, and I was trying my best not to panic. It had never mattered what I wore - it was never supposed to matter, because the attention wasn't ever supposed to be on me. I was starting to think of as many excuses as possible to give Ally as to why I wouldn't be able to join them in California, and that I'd be much better off heading to the next tour stop a day early with the band.