Matilda | Harry Styles

FORTY-FIVE

There was such a lightness in my chest when we finally headed back inside. Harry's eyes met mine as soon as I took my first step back into the room, and I immediately moved over to where he was standing.

"Oh, good timing," he tilted his chin up a little as I approached, looping an arm around my waist, just as a waiter entered the room with a cake in his hands, filled with lit candles. I raised my eyebrows.

"Oh my god," I laughed, feeling Harry pull me back against his chest as the waiter approached, and everyone started to sing. Just as it had been on Elin's birthday - not one single note could be found, with everybody gathering around us to sing 'Happy Birthday', loudly and dramatically. 

Harry was swaying me around, and I caught everybody holding their drinks up as they sang, throwing their heads back with passion and conviction. All I could do was look around; taking it all in - all of them, singing and gleefully celebrating my birthday. 

"Wish hard, baby," Harry teased against my ear as the song came to an end, and his hands dropped to my waist as I leaned in to blow the candles out. I'd never made a birthday wish - never, and if I had ever had the chance, before, I was sure there would've been a million and one things I was desperately aching for - but now, I could've racked my brain endlessly. There wasn't anything I wanted, for the first time in my life - nothing that I yearned for, other than this. I already had it.

With a puff of smoke from the candles, everybody began to cheer, applauding as I thanked the waiter and he set the cake down on the table. In my belief that I'd never be able to have this, I'd convinced myself I would hate it - to have everybody focused on you, even though it was in a positive light; the last thing I wanted was everybody in the room to grant me their attention. The eyes in this room, however, were anything but judgemental, or scary. They were my friends.

This acceptance of how I felt for Harry had somehow made the room look even brighter. It was like I'd been able to look at him, and everybody else, through a whole other lens - one that didn't feel so clouded, or weighted. 

"What is it?" he murmured, holding onto my hips after a moment or two had passed. His eyes were soft as he peered down at me; a lazy grin on his lips. I supposed he could see it in my eyes.

"I'm just happy," I whispered back, running a hand softly over the edge of his chin. I watched how he gently tilted his head to enable my movements, as I leant up to press another short kiss to his lips. I ran my fingers over the opening of his shirt, looping the fabric between my fingers. 

All I could think about was how desperate I'd been to ignore this day; how the idea of us coming to Italy for my birthday had been enough to make me worry, and panic - but how this had somehow become one of the greatest experiences I'd ever had. 

"You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that," he replied, kissing my forehead another time as his arm wound properly around my waist to pull me closer. His eyes were soft, and emotive as they peered down into mine. He murmured, then, "It's all I want."

I still felt like I was floating by the time I had to say 'goodbye' to everyone. Harry had set everybody up to stay in a hotel nearby - somewhere in between the restaurant, and our apartment. It meant that we separated from them to travel back, in separate cars.

It was practically a given that we'd all meet up again tomorrow - before, finally, we'd all be leaving Italy. I didn't even want to fathom that, quite yet - I didn't want to think about leaving this blissful place behind, and so I didn't. I was testing that out; for once, just being present - not worrying, and torturing myself. It didn't matter if I had to leave tomorrow; tonight, I was here, and I was happy.