Matilda | Harry Styles

TWENTY-FOUR

Over the next few days, I almost managed to forget everything that had happened with my mother - almost.

Particularly in the day that followed, I feared I'd have to walk on eggshells around Harry. Though he didn't mention things with my mother again, I got the feeling that he was waiting for me to bring it up. I could sense a shift in his eyes, for that day - it wasn't severe, or even overly concerning, but when he looked at me, it was like he was trying to figure me out. And until that point, it had felt like he hadn't had to try, but now, it didn't seem to be coming so easily.

I hadn't expected to feel guilty. I'd spent years hiding details and hardships from anybody who ever dared to ask about them, knowing that it was my only real option. Sharing was dangerous - I couldn't share it all; that's why I'd been so quick to hide it from Harry. For what may have been the first time in my life, I'd met somebody, and I'd almost caved. I was bewildered by the fact I'd even told him that my mum had reached out, but I'd have been foolish to think that I could've taken that any further. I felt like I'd have to be strong enough to deal with it alone - but that to deal with it with him; to share it with him, would somehow require even more strength, that I didn't have.

But he didn't push me; not even an inch. Though his looks seemed to hold more behind them that day, his presence seemed to only grow more gentle; his arm clinging gently onto my waist, or his lips brushing lightly over my cheek. He appeared to drop it. I'd feared that I may have inadvertently pushed him away from me, but the night we'd shared before only seemed to pull us closer. His confiding in me; his vulnerability - two things that I'd have always associated with some kind of downfall, but it felt like it had done the opposite.

Grace had called that morning, a few days after I'd made the dreaded phone call. My phone rang, just as I'd been about to make my way down from my hotel room for breakfast with the others. My hotel room; my own bed, which felt rather large when I wasn't sharing it with a certain somebody else. Only once had we slept in the same bed, but it felt like I'd never known any different - it somehow felt foreign, now, to sleep without him. It felt like I wasn't able to sleep properly in his absence.

I hadn't seen Harry so much, in the evenings, since. Three shows had taken place in the past few days, each in a different city - and after each one, he'd dragged Mitch away with him to go and write. He'd run backstage, his skin glistening with sweat and a wide grin on his lips, practically panting after the amount of energy he'd just exerted. He'd check if I was okay, first, and then when satisfied that I was, he'd kiss me, briefly, and tell me he had to go and work on some songs with Mitch, sometimes joined by Pauli. Both nights, I'd just about been asleep in my hotel room before he'd finished working - I'd discovered a text the following morning saying when he'd finished; usually around three or four AM. Each morning, upon seeing the texts, I'd felt a slight thump in my chest as the endless late nights - he'd do anything for his career, he'd said. And though he seemed eager to be working on the music, it seemed like his own rest would never take priority over it.

Grace and I had exchanged texts over the previous few days, but we hadn't spoken about the elephant in the room - not yet. But when I picked up the phone, I knew she was wanting to see if I'd ended up reaching out. Though I was sure she'd have expected the least possible option to be what had actually happened - that I had, indeed, reached out.

"I called her," I said, after we'd been speaking for a moment. Grace fell silent, and I bit my lip. "My mum. I spoke to her."

"Oh my god..." Grace trailed off, clear shock in her tone. "What did she say?"

I swallowed thickly, feeling the same tug in my chest that I had done when I'd actually spoken to my mother. "Nothing redeemable," I told her, biting my lip. trying to mask my emotion. "She wanted money."