Transfer to Help Himself

Chapter 5- The First Shift

The next day had passed with all three men resting in their house before their next 72 hour shift. Buck was nervous to start working. What if he messed up and they hated him? He just couldn't shake the anxious feeling away. All day yesterday, Captain Strand's dog, Buttercup, was all but cuddling up to Buck, sensing his anxiety. Buttercup was nice and fluffy. Buck liked that. He had always wanted a pet, but was told since the ripe age of 10, that he was too immature to have any pet. Trademark Buckley Parenting. Buttercup kept Buck company all afternoon while Captain Strand and TK were off in their rooms. The only time Buttercup left Buck's side was when the dog went outside to use the bathroom. Now though, Buck was in his Jeep with his radio turned high, trying to block the anxiety ridden thoughts from his mind.

10 minutes later, Buck is pulling into the 126. The captain, TK, him and Captain Vega were the first to arrive. A few minutes later, the probie, Mateo if Buck wasn't mistaken, arrived with Paul. Judd and Marjan were next to arrive, leaving Nancy and Tim to be the last of the 126 to get to the station. Once Nancy and Tim had got there, Captain Strand called all of them to the kitchen for a morning meeting. "Good Morning everyone. I hope y'all all rested yesterday because the annual BBQ is this week, and we all know how many calls we will get. I won't keep you long, but I would like to formally introduce Firefighter Buckley, who will be starting his first shift today." Captain Strand pointed at the blonde man who ducked his head. Everyone greeted him with hellos before turning back to Captain Strand. Buck did not like the attention being on him, so he was relieved when they did.

After the meeting was over, Buck had gone to find the locker rooms before Captain Vega caught up with him. "Hi there. Sorry I wasn't here when you first showed up. Medicals had taken a little longer after their last call. I'm Captain Tommy Vega of the Rescue 126 side. Medical and Fire are separated here, so sorry about the confusion. These two here are Paramedics Nancy Gillian and Tim Rosewater. We will be the paramedics who mostly travel with you." Buck shook her hand and told them it was a pleasure to meet them all. He then went and changed right before the bell rang. "Alright, we are going to need all hands-on deck. There was an explosion near a farm not far from here with casualties. Be prepared," Captain Strand filled them in as they left the station. Buck sat back, mentally preparing himself for the call. This was the first call he had been on since the bombing, it made sense that he was nervous. But now, Buck couldn't help but to start picking on himself. What if Bobby was right? What if he was a liability and got hurt during this call? He was still on blood thinners. He could bleed out and take paramedics attention away from the actual victims.

While Buck was stressing himself out, TK took this time to look at him. Buck had barely said anything during the meeting, and even now, when they tried to engage him in their conversations, he ignored him. TK had a feeling that Buck was in his head, if the way he was rubbing his arms meant anything. TK reached over beside him to still the blonde's arms before getting Buck's attention. TK had silently asked him if he was alright. Buck nodded, though this didn't reassure TK. This man looked like he was seconds away from a panic attack. But before TK could ask, they had pulled up to the scene. Damn. It smelled like burning flesh and horse manure, both a queasy smell. They all hopped out, TK following Buck, before gathering around their captain.

"Alright, Strickland and Ryder, I want you two on the hose. TK and Mateo, see if you can try and make an access path to the barn. Buckley and Marwani..." Buck flinched hearing his name called, but Owen decided to ignore it for now, "...There is a possible entrapment in the barn. Once TK and Chavez have cleared the way, I want you two to head inside to see if you can find the person. Everyone be careful and don't get hurt. Rule number one, you clock in with me, you clock out with me." Everyone nodded before heading to their respective areas. Owen, on the other hand, went to Captain Vega. She had just finished filling her crew in when Owen approached her. "Captain" "Captain" they greeted each other. "So, what do you think of the new recruit so far?" Owen asked. "He's a little shy, nothing like I was expecting. When you said you were getting someone from the L.A.F.D, I was thinking of a defiant daredevil, not Buckley." Owen nodded, understanding where the other captain was coming from. "Maybe once, but after what happened with his old team, it might take him a little to get back to a fragment of who he once was."

The captains continued talking with their teams before Marjan and Buck came back with the last victim. The girl couldn't have been no older than 7 and had Cystic Fibrosis(A lung disease that, if left alone, could be life threatening to the patient) so she was having a hard time breathing. Captain Vega and her crew had quickly begun to work on the girl before loading her into the back of the ambulance and headed to the nearest hospital. The fire was contained so the 126 were allowed to leave. Buck couldn't help but to think of Christopher. That girl was around Chris's age and also had a disease that got worse over time. Buck's mind then brought him back to the tsunami, of losing Chris the first time. He could never forgive himself if anything had happened to the boy. The same goes for the little girl. Captain Vega had told them that if they had gotten to her a little later, she might not have made it. This didn't sit right with Buck. If only he was faster. Maybe then the girl wouldn't have to go to the hospital just for a breathing treatment. Buck knew it wasn't fair. She would have ended up going anyway if a flare up occurred. But he couldn't stop thinking that maybe, if he was faster, she wouldn't have to go at all.

TK saw this. He saw how more closed off Buck had been after the first call. It showed through the rest of the shift and only got worse when those calls involved children. When they finally arrived at the station for the last of their shift, TK had pulled Buck into the locker room. "Buck, are you ok?" TK didn't expect Buck to respond, but he was worried when he did.

TK's question was the straw that broke the camel's back. Buck instantly broke down and started sobbing. He couldn't keep the wall up anymore. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or maybe it was the way his team at the 118 had chipped away at him, but Buck couldn't stop. He felt himself sinking to the floor before TK rushed to pull him into a hug. This caused Buck to flinch, before leaning into the hug. How long had it been since Buck had had a comforting touch? Buck tried calming down, but found himself unable to breathe. Motioning to TK that he couldn't breathe, Buck started to panic. Why was he on the floor? Did he do something wrong? Where were the painful touches that made sure that he never did whatever it was he did?

TK was panicking on the inside but remained calm once he saw Buck slide down the wall. What TK didn't expect was the pleading look Buck had given him when the latter motioned that he couldn't breathe. TK tried getting Buck to follow his breathing, but nothing was working. At that point, Buck had pulled his arms into a defensive position around his head. This worried TK. What had the man gone through to protect himself like this. At this point, TK couldn't think what to do, then Judd had walked in, wanting to know what was taking the two so long. TK motioned for Judd to grab his phone and ear buds before going back to hugging Buck. Judd brought them over and TK quickly put on music from his playlist he made a while back to see if that would help. It did. Buck had started to calm down a little before passing out from the energy the panic attack cost him.

"What happened, TK?" Judd asked, worried for his new teammate and brother. Judd always got protective of his teammates after the explosion that took out his first team, so it was normal that he was already protective of Buck. "I think it started with the first call. It seemed to hit a little close to home for him. I pulled him in here to ask if he was alright, and he broke. Before you came in here, it seemed like he was trying to protect himself from something, or someone." Judd looked shocked. Who in the hell hurt this boy to the point where he had the natural instinct to protect himself? Judd looked back at TK before helping him carry Buck to one of the bunks.

"Right now, let's let him sleep. Lord knows he needs it. And then we can see if he is willing to speak about what happened. Why don't you go out there and tell Dad about Buck? I want to stay here with him in case he wakes up." TK told Judd before sitting in the bunk next to Buck. Judd nodded and left, but not without the subtle protective touch he gave Buck. TK knew then that Buck needed everyone to support him. Not just his dad and himself. If TK ever met Buck's old team, there will be some very strongly worded sentences, and maybe a few punches. No one deserved to be treated the way Buck had.