Transfer to Help Himself

Chapter 9- Talking Through Troubles and a Little Peace

TW/// MENTION OF SEXUAL ASSAULT

The first day of their 72-hour shift went by with little rest in between. The 126 barely had enough time to eat during the day before being rushed off to calls. Owen took them offline for 12 hours to allow his team to rest and get fuel into them and the trucks. No one had to be asked twice to go to sleep. Everyone headed straight to the bunk room. Everyone but Buck. He made the excuse that he needed to shower before laying down. He really didn't mind being dirty, but the truth was that he didn't want to wake anyone with his nightmares. And after today, he knew they would be pretty bad. Instead, Buck sat in the rec room and chose to text Athena. Maybe Eddie... He didn't know just yet.

'Hey 'Thena. Wanted to check in and see how you are doing. We had one hell of a day.'

'Buckaroo! I was hoping you would contact me. I heard about the tornadoes. I told you that you were a magnet to danger. Are you ok?' She responded quickly.

'Physically, I am fine. But emotionally, I am drained. There was this call where these children were trapped. The dad had also been trapped, but we didn't think to check him. I saved the children, but they watched as their dad succumbed to the internal bleeding.' He didn't tell Athena about the little panic attack or whatever it was he had in the truck.

'Oh, those poor children. I bet that was also tough on you. How about you rest up a bit? It might help you.'

Buck texted 'ok' before pulling up his texts with Eddie. The very last text Eddie sent a month ago finally being read. Buck wanted so badly to reach out to his best friend.

'Hey Eds... I hope you are doing ok... How is Christopher?'

He waited, looking at his phone, before he heard someone come up from behind him. "Buck? Are you coming to the bunks?" It was TK. Buck could tell from the way TK gently touched his shoulder. "Oh, yeah. I just had some things that needed to be done before I fell asleep." TK nodded and plopped down on the couch next to Buck. Buck couldn't help but to look at him and take in his sleepy appearance. Buck knew TK was dating Carlos but couldn't lie that he found both of them pretty admirable. He had been in a few poly relationships before, but they hadn't really ended well. He didn't even know if TK or Carlos were polyamorous.

"Is that why you were sitting here on your phone?" Buck nodded at him. "Just had to tell 'Thena that I was ok. She heard about the tornadoes. Of course, she had to put it in my face that I attract danger. That woman." TK let out a chuckle and rested his head on Buck's shoulder. They were pretty close. Closer than most of the team. But they did live together and hung out more, so it made sense that both of them were this comfortable. "I was thinking about going to see a therapist..." TK hummed at this. "Did the first call get you to rethink it?" Buck nodded and spoke softly, "Yeah... I just... I don't want to go alone. I... don't really have good luck with therapists..." TK moved to sit upright and look at Buck.

"What do you mean?" He asked. "The first and only time I saw a therapist was after my first call. It was to an amusement park where the roller coaster had stopped upside down. This one guy saw his friend die. I told him to grab my hand, but he let go and fell to his death... I was forced to go to the department therapist. Everything was going fine at first. I had told her that I felt like it was my fault. She told me it wasn't. But then I brought up the fact that I self-diagnosed myself as a sex-addict. She took advantage of my self-diagnosis and took advantage of me. I swear I didn't want to, but she forced me saying that she could keep me out of work for longer than needed. But firefighting is my life, so I did."

Buck felt a little lighter. But he also felt like he had told TK too much. He didn't need to know that Buck used to be a self-diagnosed sex-addict. Buck also felt that he didn't make it clear that that part of him was gone. Before TK could get a word out, Buck quickly added, "But that self-diagnosed sex-addict was Buck 1.0. He's gone. I'm trying to be Buck 3.0."