Once Upon A Knight's Woman

CHAPTER 25

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#CLARISSA'S POV#

        
"Mummy, my teacher said a family should consist of a father, mother and the child and you do say we are a family but where is my daddy?" I remember asking my mum as soon as I got back home from school that very faithful day. How old was I then? Oh, I guess I was four years old.

"Darling, your dad has travelled really far." She replied. My smile widened at that.

"Can't we put a call through to him?" I asked cheerfully with a cute pout while playing with the belt of my gown.

"No baby, we can't call him." At that a tear slipped from my eye. "If we call him we would distract him. He is on a duty and when he is done he would return to us. If we call him or go to meet him we would distract him and he would not be able to complete his work on time so as to return to us quickly. Do you understand?" Mum cooed as she cleaned my tears. Her eyes were moist too and I did not want to see her cry so I had to agree.

"OK mummy." I replied while nodding my head.

"The earlier he completes his work the better, right?" She asked and I nodded. I kept on praying to God that my daddy completes his work on time.

"So you won't bring this up again, right sweetie?" She asked. I nodded again with a smile. She reciprocated my smile with a smile as she engulfed me in a warm hug.
      
As I grew older and smarter, I began asking more questions till she told me my daddy had died before I was born. I wanted to ask more questions such as how did it happen and I wanted to ask her for pictures of my daddy but I didn't. Now, I regret it. I don't know what had stopped me from asking but I guess it was that raw pain in her eyes as she proclaimed him dead that stopped me from digging deeper.
           
Now, it's all clear. My father was dead not physically but in my mum's mind. It's not fair at all! I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks and staining my T-shirt. All this years, I had always been jealous of a father to child relationship! I envied girls in my class whose father came to pick them up! I had never for a moment liked Father's day and every other activity associated with it! I never liked grandfather attending as my proxy father! But I never complained neither did I ever ask questions that would make my mum uncomfortable! So couldn't she have been considerate too?
              
More tears stream down my cheeks as I hug my legs to my chest and rest my head on my knees staring at the floor board. I'm sure you don't understand how this feels. The feeling one have when one finds out that her confidant, friend, best friend, gist partner, strength provider, mum, father and sibling at the same time has been lying to her from birth. It's just not fair at all!

As I keep staring at the floor, it clicked in my brain that I had not heard the sound of the door closing meaning mum is still outside in the cold. I try to fight the idea of going to call her in. She lied to me about my father and a twin sister! Didn't she? Who dare try to break a twin bond?! Can you imagine having a sister from the same womb that you never knew about? We could have played house and dress up games. What about holding a tea party? Fighting over things that make no sense one minute and settling it the next minute? Wearing same dresses? Helping to style each other hairs? Standing up for each other? Sharing household chores? Fighting about who is the oldest? And so many other things I had missed out on all because of my mum.
             
The memory of her saying he is lying flashes for a moment in my mind and guilt try to eat me up. The guilt about me really misunderstanding the whole situation. I try to fight against the guilt but I lose as I soon find myself out of my room and heading to the front door to check up on mum. I halt in my steps once I hear a car pulling up in the driveway. I run over to the window. Through the hole between the binds, I try to peep.
            
Alvin gets out of the car. "Erica!" He screamed as he ran. My eyes followed his legs and that led me to where mum is sitting. My heart broke as I drank in her sight. Her eyes are red and swollen. Through the hole, I manage to see her dried up tears on her cheek.
          
Silently Alvin held her up. It took me two seconds to realise they were planning to enter the house. I ran to my room as quick as my little legs could. I left the door slightly opened out of curiosity. Despite the guilt in me, I was still annoyed at her so I did not want to meet her for now.
From the little hole left between the door and the doorpost, all I can see his him hugging her. I lean away from the door as I walk over to my bed and sit on it. I stare around my room and imagined how it would have been with a twin sister here. There would have been a twin bunk bed or two single bed side by side instead of my King size heart shaped bed. There would have been two dressing stool. I wonder how my twins look like. Do we look alike? Is she taller than me? Is she a tomboy? Is she a girlish girl who likes putting different flashy colours of ribbon on her hair. I giggled at that. And like that I let my thought drift off to how life would have been with a father and twin sister till a husky but melodious voice brought me out of my reverie. I ran to the door to peek at what was happening in the sitting room.