Take Ten [YEONBIN one shots]

Those Years Between Us

I don't know when it started and I don't know how it started but the first time I laid my eyes on him, I felt captivated and from then on I couldn't stop thinking about him.

Him whose smile can lit up a dark room. Him whose laughter can warm a cold atmosphere. Him whose eyes can brighten up the pitch black galaxy.

Him whom I've irrefutably fallen in love with.

I've fallen in love with him, Choi Yeonjun, my brother's best friend.

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I was 15 and he was 19 when we first met. The memory still clear in my mind. It was my birthday and my brother invited him to my party. I kinda wish he wasn't there though, maybe then I wouldn't be so hopelessly infatuated with someone I may never be able to have.

Anyway, he bought me a present and it was a rabbit stuffed animal. The way he said "Soobin, Happy Birthday! I'm so happy to finally meet you, I've seen a lot of photos of you from your brother and you really resemble a bunny" still rang sweetly in my ears today. Plus the smile that he gave me that time was so beautiful, I think it's permanently engraved in my mind.

All I could think at that time however was did my brother show you a bunch of my silly pictures?

Which made me panic a little.

Only when the party was over and I sat on my bed staring at the stuffed animal did it occur to me.

Stuff animals are for kids, that's what I think. I don't know why at that time but I was feeling disappointed, upset that he sees me as a kid so I couldn't decide whether or not I liked his gift.

I know why I was upset at that time now, maybe that was when I've first developed a little crush on Choi Yeonjun, my brother's best friend.

~~~~~~

I was 16 and he was 20. Yeonjun hyung, that's how I call him now, come by our house often the past year although it's to hang out with my brother. I'm not complaining though, at least I get to see him. 

That year due to our differences, my brother and I are constantly arguing. What's worse is that we quarrel numerous times in front of Yeonjun hyung.

Yeonjun hyung is truly an angel, he is always comforting me whenever the argument ends. Does not make him on my side however, because after consoling me, he went to comfort my brother as well.

Why is he so kind, unlike my brother. How do those two even get along, I wonder and I don't think I'll ever understand.

I wish our gap was closer, or the space between us would lessen. He doesn't see me as anything more than his best friend's younger brother although I'm a few centimeters taller than he is this year. I find no solace in that. 4 years is not that big, so why can't you look at me like I'm your equal hyung? When will you stop looking at me like a reckless teen that needs to be cared for?

The one year that went by did not stop my feelings from growing. My once little crush keeps developing and I so desperately hope I can contain these emotions within me much longer because what if I lose you? What if our future meetings will only be surrounded with awkwardness? What if I won't be able to see you again?

It turns outs I didn't have to express my feelings to you for these thoughts to come true.

I couldn't blame you though, after all, I should have known that us being together was impossible.

I should've known that you could never look at me as something more than a younger brother.

I should've known we were never meant to be.