Say You Won't Let Go

Shes Not Alone

Abigail was having a bad morning. She overslept, and then when she did wake up she rolled over to wrap herself in the arms of Jake only to remember he wasn't there. She blamed her poor memory on the small amount of sleep she got last night.

     She had managed to avoid the pain, but she was scared to fall asleep because she knew the nightmares were waiting for her.

     So with dark bags under her eyes, she starts the walk down the carpeted steps after hearing Rooster pull into her driveway. She was moving quite slow, not giving a rats ass if she was late today or not.

      But the knock on the door startled her cat, Remy, who knocked a bowl off of the counter. It crashes to the ground and Abigail feels like she had just slammed into a wall. She couldn't move, her breath caught in her throat and her eyes widened.

    "Abby? You good?" Rooster calls from the other side of the door. Remy comes farting past Abigail and up the steps to hide under her bed.

    She finally forced herself to move, but her left leg slips and she falls down the last of the steps.

 
       Reaching into the flower pot, Rooster grabs the extra key and unlocks the door after hearing the second crash. The dark brown painted door flies open and he's met with Abigail sitting on the ground, her eyes glued to her prosthetic leg that had fallen off.

     Immediately, he's kneeled down at her side, his hands hovering over the obviously panicked woman. He had no idea what to do. Her breaths were coming out shaky, her fists were balled up like she was ready to fight someone, and Rooster could see the fear and trauma in her eyes.

      "Abigail." Rooster then says, deciding it was best to try and get her to look at him first. He shakes her shoulders to see if she would snap out of the obvious ptsd episode. "Come on, Ice. You're okay."

     He looks back over at her prosthetic leg, grabbing it and moving it closer to her. "Look, everything's fine. Well, maybe besides the carpet burn on your elbows, and your piled up trauma, but it'll be okay." He rambles, setting the fake leg on her lap.

     Rooster wasn't sure, but he thinks maybe she sees her real leg in place of the prosthetic. He has no idea what really went on last year, she never talked about it. Maverick would never say anything either, but Rooster wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't full of guilt or blamed himself for what happened.

     Rooster leans next to Abigail against the wall, throwing an arm around her shoulder and leaning her into his side. Obviously she needed physical comfort, she wasn't hearing anything.

     Slowly, her breaths evened out and her muscles relaxed. Rooster bent his head down to check on her, seeing her finally start to come back to him. "There you are, sister." He laughs, not knowing how else to react. He didn't know how to comfort someone going through something so difficult. Abigail's face pinches up at the weird phrase, and Rooster cringes at his own words too.

   

      Abigail reaches down on her lap to touch her prosthetic leg, reassuring herself that it wasn't flesh. Taking a deep breath, she starts to put it back on but Rooster stops her. "Let's take a break from that for a while." Rooster says a little more quietly. He grabs Abigail by the biceps and lifts her up, pulling her into his right side so he can support her as they make their way into the living room.

     She takes a seat in the worn down leather couch, specifically in the spot that Jake always sits in. She found herself doing that quite often, doing Jake's routine along with her own. It helped with his absence.

     Abigail's eyes start to cloud over again, staring at the prosthetic leg that Rooster leaned up against the coffee table. "I thought...I-My leg, it was there. And I heard...the plane. I heard the plane crash. I felt my leg get shredded, I felt it, Bradley." She gets choked up, placing her hand on the pant leg that was missing the limb. She was all dressed and ready for work, minus the hair which she was procrastinating on doing. "The bowl. Remy broke the bowl and it crashed...I guess it brought my brain back to..." she trails off, shaking her head and then placing it on her hands. She bites her lip so hard she could feel and taste the warm metallic liquid that poured out.

      Rooster's eyes are the softest she's ever seen them. "How long?" He asks, raising an eyebrow. Abigail frowns. "How long what?" She questions, pulling her knee into her chest. Her head was pounding. "How long have you been struggling with this? Does Hangman even know?"

      Abigail drops her head and sighs, regretting never telling him or her best friend. "Since about a month after the amputation. I didn't want to burden you guys anymore than I already had. I thought I could deal with the nightmares and the pain and the ptsd by myself." She sniffles, wiping the tear that had fallen. She was ashamed of herself. "It was my fault, why should you guys deal with what I did to myself?"

       She could see the hurt and anger in Rooster's usually bright eyes. Abigail shrinks further into herself.

      "If you blame yourself for that damn crash one more time, Abigail, I will shake you so hard that your brain will turn to mush." He threatens, standing up in the living room. He towers over her sitting form, his face red. "And why the hell would you think for even a second that Jake and I would ever not help you? We love you, and seeing you silently suffer with nightmares, ptsd, and phantom limb pain is something that neither of us want you to deal with alone. You've been through too much to carry all of that on your back. Let us help you." He pleads, flailing his arms around as he paces.

    Abigail watches him with her eyes full of tears that refuse to fall. She didn't realize how bad she would be hurting them.

     Rooster sits on the coffee table, butting his head in his hands. "I should have said something earlier. I've seen how your face twists in pain. I've seen the dark eyebags and the far-off look. I guess I just convinced myself that you were okay when you obviously were not. You are not."

      And there go the tears, sliding down her pale cheeks like a waterfall. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I didn't-" she chokes out a sob, feeling embarrassed. Rooster shakes his head and returns to the couch, wrapping his best friend in the world's tightest hug. The both of them shedding tears over their recent lack of communication. "No, I'm sorry, Abby. You've had it extremely rough in the past year. We're going to make things better for you. I promise."

     Abigail buries her head into Rooster's chest, finally knowing that she doesn't have to do this alone. She's glad to have family and friends in her corner.

      "Just because someone is strong enough to handle pain, doesn't mean that they deserve it. Do you remember who told us that?" Rooster asks, pulling away to give her a reassuring smile. Abigail nods, nostalgia hitting her like a brick. "Your mom would tell us that quite often." She mumbles, turning her head to look at the picture frame on the wall of her and Rooster when they were younger.

     It was Rooster, his mom, Maverick, her mom and dad, and Abigail on the beach. Somehow Abigail had managed to convince Maverick to play mermaids with her in the water. Rooster got jealous so he pretended to be a shark and went out and but Maverick in the back.

      Abigail laughed at the memory, wiping the last tear away. She felt a lot better now.

    "You're strong, Abigail. Very strong. And you don't deserve any of the bad things you've been through. Call Hangman, tell him whats been going on with you, and then call your therapist and set up an appointment. If you need anything, I'm here. So is many of our friends." Rooster urges, watching Abigail put her prosthetic leg back on. She most definitely has rug burn on both elbows and the palms of her hands.

      Abigail nods softly, taking a shaky breath in. She wasn't sure if she was ready for this mental fight, but Bradley and Jake sure wouldn't let her back out.

     She wasn't alone.