Say You Won't Let Go

Conquering Fear Isnt Easy

  "It's not gonna happen." Abigail says in defeat, her shoulders slumped as she stares at the F-18. She's just about to declare it her enemy.

     "It's gonna happen." Maverick corrects, squinting under the sunlight. He grabs his sunglasses and puts them on.

     "Today's the day, Abby. Have some faith in yourself. You've been through tougher things." Jake chimes in, walking out of the naval air base building. He has his flight suit on, same is the other two standing on the tarmac.

     Abigail sighs and drags her feet across the ground as she makes her way towards the F-18. She's at least gotten past the panic she felt by just looking at them, but she's yet to get inside of the cockpit and turn the plane on.

      Same as the last four days, she starts with pulling down the ladder. Taking a deep breath, she starts the climb up. In her peripheral vision she can see Jake hopping up onto the wing. If she ever gets up in the air, he'll be behind her for support and backup.

      Her hands grab onto the rim of the F-18, the cockpit coming into her vision. Bile rises in her throat, but the encouraging words from Maverick and Hangman push her on. Standing on the last metal bar of the ladder, Abigail throws one leg over and into the cockpit.

     She closes her eyes and pauses, grinding her teeth as she forced the next leg in. When she opens her eyes, she's standing inside of the cockpit and Jake is smiling widely at her. A sense of accomplishment flows through her as she sits down.

     The overwhelming amount of buttons, switches, screens, and flickering lights makes her nauseous.  

     "You're looking a little green, Abby. You ok?" Maverick asks, lifting his hand to cover the gap that allowed sunlight in his eyes. He gives her a concerned look. Abigail swallows the bile and gives him a mere thumbs up.

      Jake presses a few buttons and then the canopy lowers above them, trapping the couple inside of the F-18. Abigail chokes on air and leans her head back against the seat, fighting herself. She wasn't going to chicken out today, that was unacceptable.

    "Okay, you're in the cockpit. What do you do next?" Jake asks, walking her step by step through the process. Abigail squints her eyes and stares down at the floor. "Put on my helmet." She reaches down and grabs the light blue helmet that was designed closely to her father's. She puts it on and the sinking feeling in her stomach deepens. She hears Jake click on his.

     Abigail glances around at all of the buttons, re-familiarizing herself with the controls. "And then I turn on the plane." She gulps, doing exactly as she said. The engines power on and her stomach churned, her mouth creates more saliva and she knows what's coming. She turns off the plane and rips her helmet off, putting her head in her hands.

    "Hey, what happened?" Jake asks, concern clear in his voice. Abigail exhales heavily. "Get me out of this thing." She pleads quietly, wrapping her arms around her churning stomach. "What, sweetheart?" Jake asks, his hand reaching over the seat and placing it on her back. "Get me out of the plane, Jake. Please, please". She panics, smacking her hand onto the canopy.

     Jake rushes to do as she says and as soon as the canopy lifts, Abigail is clambering to get down the ladder and over to the grass. She bends over and hurls the breakfast she had this morning. Jake runs swiftly over to her, holding her hair back while sharing a concerned look with Maverick.

     Yet another step in the wrong direction.

     But Abigail stood back up, taking the tissue from her pocket and wiping her mouth, then walks back towards the F-18.

    "Abby, I think you've had enough today. Maybe we should pick this back up tomorrow." Jake suggests, watching her climb back up the ladder. She gets into the cockpit, puts on her helmet and then looks down at her husband who was still on the ground. "Come on, Hangman. I don't have all month." She says lightheartedly, filling her mind full of only good things. She was over the fear, she had to get this done.

     Jake turns to Maverick, who shrugs, putting the ladder back up. Jake climbs onto the wing and sits in the WSO seat, going through the process again.

    Abigail turns on the plane after the canopy closes, then she clicks her mask into place. "Air control this is Iceberg, ready for take off. I repeat, Iceberg is ready for takeoff." Abigail reports shakily, clicking her seatbelt in place. She shakes her shoulders to rid of any nerves. Her emotions will reflect in her flying, she needs to be sure of this.

      "Iceberg this is air control, you are clear for takeoff."

      Abigail closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, moving forward on the runway. Jake smiles proudly in he backseat, glad to see that his wife is getting back what she's most passionate about.
      
      "Three." Abigail counts down, starting to lift the stick. "Two." The plane begins to go upright. "One." The plane lifts off of the ground, landing gear retracting into the plane. "Iceberg is airborne."

      She couldn't help the smile that spread on her face as she watched the ground get further and further away. Jake cheers so loud that it made her ears ring, but Abigail appreciated the support.

     "I'd forgotten how freeing it was up here." Abigail murmurs, staring at the afternoon sky in admiration. She imagined she was a bird, flying free with not a worry in the world. Jake smiles softly. "I would say all of us pilots need to take more time to notice that. We're so stuck up in the work that we've forgotten why we wanted to do this job in the first place." He replies, squinting out the plane, watching the desert 8000 feet below.

      Abigail tilts the plane slightly to the side, turning around to head back to base.  For the first time in a year, Abigail was back up in the sky and ready to take on her latest mission.