Say You Won't Let Go

Airbound

An explosion, a gust of heat and smoke, and then she was falling. Falling like she was on the tallest rollercoaster in Disney World. The demolished jet screeches as it combats the air, trees and snow getting closer and closer.

     Abigail pulls the ejection handle, the top of the jet coming undone. But there was a problem, her leg gets caught in the shredded engine. Abigail could feel her flesh tear, the metal digging into her muscles and soon hitting bone. She lets out a pained scream, the gory sight mixed with the pain making her pass out.

     Things felt at peace after that, she thought. She felt like she was flying, flying like a bird.

     But her body soon hits the ground and-

   Abigail shoots up in bed, her heart pounding in her chest so hard it felt like it was going to pop out. Her body was drenched in sweat, her breaths more panicked than ever.

       She couldn't get a word out, she felt stuck, trapped in the nightmare of a flashback she had just woken up from.

      "Abby." Jake's voice nearly made her jump out of her skin. But she couldn't turn her head to look at her spouse, whom she had accidentally woken up in the process. Abigail's lungs burned, same as they did when she had spent so long laying face down in that snow. She couldn't handle it.

     "Sweetheart, look at me." Jake says a little more softly after realizing she was not focused on the present. He scoots further down the bed so he could get a good look at her face. Abigail forced herself to look at him, her entire body trembling.

     She hates this. Feeling weak, like she can't get over a stupid dream. Why did her mind have to do things like this to her?

      "You're okay, Abigail." Jake slowly places his hand on her shoulder as to not startle her. He knew that when someone was in this state of mind they were unpredictable. She wasn't entirely connected with her brain. "You're here. You're safe." He rubs her shoulder, going up and down slowly.

      It wasn't even midnight yet, and here she was, probably already done sleeping for the night.

      Slowly she started coming back to her senses, leaning into Jake's side. Abigail was humiliated, realizing this was the first time Jake had experienced what it was like for her on the daily. She used to be so good at hiding it, what changed?

      Abigail covers her face with her hands, taking a shaky breath in. "This is gonna set me back, I'm failing." She admits, having had her first terrible nightmare in over three weeks. She hated herself, she hated her mind.

    "Hey, hey. Don't you be talking like that, Abby. You're not failing, it's a minor setback. But you've already made so much progress. I know you can do it." Jake says quietly but sternly. He runs a hand through her hair, shushing her when she tries to argue. "Come here, you're okay." He pulls her into his chest, falling back onto the pillow. Abigail buries her head in his chest, taking comfort in one of the few people that seemed to nearly calm her completely.

       "I can't do this anymore, Jake. I'm so tired." She sniffles, her body limp as if she had completely given up. Jake squeezes his arms tightly around her, his own eyes tearing up. "Don't say that. You can do this, I'll be with you every step of the way."

     Abby was almost convinced. Almost.
—

      
    After another few long therapy sessions, Abigail finally started to feel the weight lift off of her shoulders. Maybe she could do it, as long as she had Jake, Bradley, and Pete with her. The three men had been her support system since the special training detachment last year.

     And it was thanks to them that Abigail stood in front of the graduating class of Top Gun students she had taught. If Rooster hadn't come over those few times and kicked her ass out of bed, she wouldn't have showed up to train them. If Maverick hadn't done that sneakily persuasive thing he always did to her, she wouldn't be convinced she fit the job. And if Jake wasn't there to be her backbone, then she wouldn't still be standing.

      The weeks training the students had been long and hard, and after the mishap with Splinter, who was now seeking help in rehab for his drinking problems, the light at the end of the tunnel finally became visible.

     The sea of naval aviators dressed in white filled Abigail with a sense of accomplishment. Standing alongside Rooster and the other 33 instructors, they called the students up one by one to shake hands and congratulate them on being the best pilots on earth.

       Jane "Miami" Walters and her WSO Liliana "Mallard" Davis, Paxton "Falcon" Fallon, Adam "Pipsqueak" Greaney and his WSO Katie "Rudolf" Woods, Eliza "Bingo" Smith, Eric "Bambi" Dillon and his WSO Darwin "Grits" James, Grey "Rogue" Fitzroy and his WSO Dustin "Jackpot" McDonald. Those were the graduates. The people Abigail spent weeks training, and she couldn't be more proud of them.

     While Cyclone carried on with his fancy speech, Abigail tuned him out when her leg started aching. Just an ache, not a pain. She smiled softly to herself, recognizing more progress. Jake was right, she thought. She could do this. She is doing this.

    "Ice, you good?" Rooster whispers, side eying her. Abigail's smile widens, feeling the aching go away. "Yeah, everything's great." She admits, her eyes focused on Jake, who was sitting in the crowd of finicky and friends.

       Once the graduation was complete, Abigail, Rooster, Liliana, Jane, and Jake were ordered to meet with Warlock. The older man did not have a very promising look on his face, which made every one of their hearts drop. This couldn't be good.

      "The five of you have been picked for a very specific mission. I understand the circumstances, but you've been ordered to prepare and ship out in six weeks." Warlock reveals, giving Abigail a guilty look. She was the circumstance he was speaking of. Immediately her heart started racing and her hands on clammy. Jake placed a hand on the middle of her back to keep her steady and calm. Rooster's jaw clenched.

       Deja vu from last year, that's what was filling the atmosphere between Bradley, Jake, and Abigail. This sounded all too familiar. And the navy just wanted to throw her back in like that? She wasn't ready.

       "This mission is dangerous, same as every other one you've done. The flying isn't the complicated part, it's the process of getting through enemy territory without being shot down that sets this one different from all others." Warlock continues, stopping when Miami stepped forward to ask a question. "Sir, what do you mean by the process through enemy territory?" Jane, or Miami, asked. Warlock glances at the ground and then back up at the aviators. "The only way we could get all five of you to your planes is by stealing from the enemy. In other words, you'll be flying on a helicopter to an abandoned war base that has fighter jets docked in the hangar bays."

      This was seriously sounding all too familiar to Abigail. Of course, her mind wasn't all that clear when it happened, but she was sure her and Maverick stole an F-14 from the enemy.

       Abigail saw this as her losing her other leg. She shook her head. "Hell no. You can kick me out or whatever the hell you want, but I refuse to fly again. I will not fly again."  She says sternly, her voice trembling in fear. Rooster backs her up. "Sir, you seem to have forgotten that Captain Seresin has severe trauma from her last mission. If she doesn't want to fly, I say she shouldn't have to. It's not your choice to make."

      "Captain Seresin agreed to the terms of this job when she signed. You all know what those include, she is deemed well enough to get back in the air, and that's what she'll do, right, Captain?" Warlock raises an eyebrow at Abigail.

     She glares at him, but her shoulders slouch in defeat. Six weeks seemed impossible for her to fight her fear of flying, she'd better be hoping for a mini miracle to come. Or else she and probably the others too will all be dead. "Yes, sir." She replies quietly, dropping her head.

       Jake knew how badly she wanted to fly, so he opted to say nothing. He knew this was going to work out for the better.

       Reluctantly, Abigail started preparing to get back in the air again.