Priest For A Former Lover

Chapter 7

How do I breathe, yeah?

How do I breathe, yeah?

It feels so different being here

I was so used to being next to you

Life for me is not the same

There's no one to turn to

I don't know why I let it go too far

Starting over, its so hard

Seems like everywhere try to go 

I keep thinking of you

Kenya listened to the song as she laid herself on the couch crying her eyes out. She had tried to be strong for the past one week. She tried to make her eyes seem as lively as they could be but she knew she was kidding no one at all. She couldn't even lie to her own kids who kept on asking if she was okay each day she they walked in the class. 

Some even the guts to say that their parents said that she was heart broken. She just laughed it off and assured her kids that she was okay. Which of course she wasn't at all. Many a times did she want to scream. She wanted to let it all out but the fun thing was that she felt that need when she saw the sympathetic look on her kids, fellow work mate and parents gave her. Its like they knew what was happening with her especially her workmate and the parents.

But that need ended the moment she stepped into her house. The moment she stepped her foot in her apartment. Yes, it was hers and no one else. She wasn't going to share it with any one else. She was going to leave there till she grew old and becomes a cat lady. Never again was she going to fall in love with any one else. Never again was she going to let any man use her the way Hunter did to her. She wasn't going to be played like a music instrument at all. 

Kenya turned her face away from the woofer and laid with her face laying down. She hated her life. She hated herself even more that she was playing a broken heart songs instead of moving on with her life. She hated everything that told her that she was strong when in real life she was the weakest thing ever. She should have been able to scream her frustration out but she couldn't. She couldn't because all she wanted to do was remember everything about reminded her of her ex. And playing Mario was one of them. 

That was because she had no idea on how to breath. She didn't know no life without Hunter at all. She breathed because of him. He was the reason why she di so much. The purpose of her every decision in her life. C'mon, didn't she move from her mother's hose because of him? Didn't she not see other guys because she believed he was the one? The one that promised foever to her. And stupid she believed it. She did without any question and look where it had gotten her. 

She didn't know how to move on with her life. She knew nothing without him. The guy wh chose to be a priest . The one who didn't see it fit to let her go. All those years he was busy learning how to be a priest and she was busy loving him. busy wanting to have him in her arms. Busy day dreaming on how they would get married and have a family together. Kenya was busy thinking of having him naked on her bed yet there he was busy knowing God more and more.

Kenya got her head up and laughed at herself. She really did laugh as more tears fell down her cheeks. She laughed because she had no idea the last time she herself stepped her foot into the church. don't get her wrong, she was a believer and all that but she hadn't talked to God in a really long time. All she knew was to thank Him for the great day she had and the kids she was blessed with and that was it. Besides, who goes to church when there mother's are there to do that for them. Her mother had her covered in that sector so she had no worries except with her boyfriend.

Little did she know the joke was on her. It really was and now she had to laugh it out. She sure had to.

I'm jealous of the rain

That falls upon your skin

 It's closer than my hands have been

I'm jealous o the rain

I'm jealous of the wind

That ripples through your clothes 

It's  closer than your shadow

Oh, I'm jealous of the wind 

It's funny how those songs followed each other on her play list. Like wasn't she jealous. Jealous of God for taking the love of her life away from him. Jealous that He thought it was the best thing to call her boyfriend when He knew very well that he had a girlfriend. How could he do that to her her? Why couldn't God call another person apart from Hunter? He had only gone to be a lawyer and he had come back a priest. Not as a lover but a priest. 

Kenya got up from her couch and walked towards the kitchen to get herself a glass of water. He throat was dry and she needed the water. Unlike other people, she didn't want to die out heartbreak. Yes, it did hut more ways than she thought it could but what was she to do? She had to fight another day. She had to see her friends get married and have a family. Of course she was going to have hers only that she had to know the price of cats first. 

Once Kenya was done with drinking the water, she wet back to her couch and laid there this time facing the ceiling. She didn't want to do anything and she did nothing since the previous day. It was on a weekend and like any other broken  hearted person should do, she was going to lay there all night long like she had done with the day.

Just then, the doorbell rung and it had Kenya groaning on her couch. She hadn't needed anyone in her apartment and she so wanted to be left alone. even her own mother understood it and that's why she texted her each single day to check up on her and all Kenya did as reply with  an 'I'm okay,' 

Kenya turned to lay on the side ways not wanting to answer the door. 

What if it's Hunter?

That had her shouting to her sitting position and looking around. Hunter was in her apartment. He had come to see her after a long attempt of trying to reach him. She had called him after she walked away from him. She had texted him and even left him voicemails begging him to meet her at the park if not her apartment after she had send him the address. That wasn't even her the worst thing she had done. After walking away from him and getting into a cub, she had stopped it half way to get back to the park. She wanted to see him. She wanted to see Hunter and run into his arms. That's where she belonged. In his arms and no where else.

Only that when she got back to that park, he wasn't there. Hunter hadn't even stayed back to see if she would run back crying to him like they did in the movies. It hurt her but what was she supposed to do? She loved that man more than anything in this world. She wanted him back and yet she knew it was impossible. 

Kenya got to her feet and ran towards the door to open it. But to her disappointment it wasn't the love of her life.

"Should I be thankful that you thought it was him?" Nancy asked stepping inside the house. "And what is that that you're playing?"

Love Aren't Enough was playing on her phone.

"Go get a shower because we're having a girls day out." Kenya wanted to stay something but Nancy raised her hand to silence her. "No having anything from and please lets change that play list. This is what you should be listening to."

Again before she could say anything, her phone was was disconnected from the woofer and hers was already connected.

Don't need a king

I got my crown

Don't need a hero to lift me off the ground 

I built this heart

It's beating  loud 

Won't let no bad blood ever bring us down

What else did she expect from Nancy? Her play list was okay of maybe even better and if it was another day she would listen to it but not any time soon. She wanted her playlist but then again, she had no voice the same way she couldn't say no to a girls day out.

Guess she had no other choice...

                                                                             *******

Who has her phone full of heart broken songs? Coz I do.