Painting Dreams (ECSB Series 1) (REVISING)

Chapter 8

It's been days of trying so hard not to take the same path Jacc does.

I've been waking up earlier than what I usually do and I go home early as well. It's a hassle for me, but if this is what it takes for me to go out of Jacc's way then I'm all for it. And so far, it was a success.

Ngayong gabi? Hindi ko sigurado kung makikita ko s'ya. It's Uno's birthday party and everyone, for sure, is invited. That means the possibility of bumping on him weighs more than not.

"You okay?" tanong ni Mau sa tabi ko.

The party started an hour ago. Hindi ko alam kung dapat bang maginhawaan ako't 'di ko pa rin nakikita si Jacc o dapat bang kabahan ako lalo dahil makikita ko rin ito maya maya lang.

Anxiety is driving me insane that my brain can't keep up.

Abala si Uno sa pakikihalubilo. Kanina pa ito nasa table namin ni Mau at napilitan na ring iwan kami nang lapitan na siya ng ibang batchmates namin. Nagpaalam ako kay Mau na pupunta akong restroom at sumabay na rin ito.

There were a couple of girls in the mirror and we went straight to the cubicles. After doing my business, I faced the mirror to fix myself as I was waiting for Mau to come out when I heard the girls talking just beside me.

"Do you think Jacc would be here?"

"It's been an hour. Drop it, Kei."

Bahagya akong napatingin sa tabi ko at napagtantong s'ya 'yung kaibigan ni Jacc no'n. Pumagitna sa amin si Mau na siyang ikinahinga ko ng maluwag bago pa ito humarap sa akin.

The two girls left and it was only me and Mau.

"Gusto mo na bang umuwi?" tanong nito sa akin.

I gave her a weak smile and shrugged my head to say no. We went back to the scene and there were a couple of friends we had a conversation with. After a few more drinks, I could feel myself tipsy kaya naman ay pinigilan ko ang sarili na gumalaw-galaw at pumirmi muna.

I was trying to relieve myself from the alcohol nang mamataan ko iyong taong halos isang linggo ko ring iniwasan. He was wearing his usual black shirt and jeans, but his hair was messy this time. Far from a clean cut he always sported. But made him even more beautiful.

Ramdam ko ang kagustuhang lapitan ito, pero bago pa ako makapag-isip pa ay kita ko na ang paglapit nung Kei sa kanya. I bit my lip trying to suppress any emotion that's starting to build up inside me because I know that this time, I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Nasa counter sila ng bar. Nagkukwentuhan. I could feel Kei's enthusiasm from here and I saw how Jacc's eyes were wandering. Then our eyes met... sooner than I expected.

Agad akong napaiwas at tumayo na ikinabigla ni Mau at iba pang kasama naming sa table.

"Excuse me," ani ko sa kanila.

"Pahangin lang ako sa labas," I whispered to Mau. She nodded and told me to be safe.

I walked fast to get outside. I wanted him to go after me, but also didn't want him to catch up on me.

Nang makalabas ay saka ako nakahinga ng maluwag. Malamig ang hangin na humagkan sa akin, pero hindi ininda 'yun.

Nakalabas na ako pero parang naroon pa rin ako sa loob dahil sa paulit-ulit na eksena nilang dalawa ang tumatakbo sa isip ko. Sumasakit na rin ang mga paa ko sa lamig at sapatos na suot ko, pero 'di na pinansin pa 'yun dahil mas mabigat 'yung dala-dala ng puso.

I crouched with my head low when denial finally left my soul and realization kicked in.

I like him, and I don't know how or what to do with it.

I've read tons of romance books and watched lots of movies in the same genre, and now that it's happening to me I can't seem to remember what the characters did or how did they get through that happy ending because it's the break up scene and the hard part of moving on is what clouded my mind.

"I'm scared," I whispered to myself and I could feel tears on my cheek.

Ilang minuto akong gano'n ang posisyon hanggang sa mapagdesisyunang tumayo at ayusin ang sarili.

Nang matapos punasan ang pingi at babalik n asana sa loob nang pag-ikot ko'y tumambad sa akin si Jacc.

Iyong tama ay nawala sa isang iglap. I was caught up on.

Ilang segundong pagtititigan at saka ako sana diretsong papasok sa loob na tila walang nangyari nang hawakan ako nito sa braso sa sandaling magtabi kami bago ko s'ya pasadahan.

"Sorry," he said and immediately let go of my arm.

"Oli, kung may nagawa man ako... pwede bang sabihin mo?" sabi nito.

His voice almost sounds like he was hurting. I melted and words ghosted me.

I smiled, so weak it almost shattered, and left.

It was the most cowardly thing I've ever done. I didn't want complications, but I'm making one for myself. Maybe because I preferred the easy way, and I know more than anyone that its effectiveness won't last.

The night ended with Uno and Mau sleeping over my house. They were both boozed and I had to book a car to drive us home.

The next morning, I woke up early as usual and cook breakfast. Sakto naman nang malapit na ako matapos ay nagising na si Mau at tumulong maghanda.

Bago kumain ay nagising na rin si Uno. Sabay-sabay kami kumain.

"Wala kang trabaho?" tanong ni Mau sa akin nang mapansing nakapambahay pa rin ako.

"Umalis muna ako sa gallery. 'Di kaya ng oras ko," ani ko na ikinatango naman nila.

"Sakit pa rin ng ulo ko. May gamot ka ba r'yan, Oli?" tanong ni Uno matapos naming kumain.

I gave her some medicine to take and a doorbell was heard. Nilabas ko 'yun at namataan ang rider. Taka kong nilapitan 'yun kahit na alam kong wala naman akong ipinadeliver.

"Ma'am, kayo po si Olivia Cortez?" tanong nang rider.

"Opo. Sino po ang nagpadeliver?" tugon ko. Kita ko ang hawak nitong brown paper bag.

"Pasensya na po, Ma'am, pero huwag na raw po sabihin at baka 'di n'yo tanggapin."

Saglit lang na nagtipa sa phone n'ya at ibinigay n'ya rin sa akin 'yun at kinumpirmang wala akong babayaran saka umalis.

Pumasok na ako sa loob saka ko binuksan 'yun at tumambad sa akin ang isang kape, macaroons, at ilang pain reliever. There was no note who it was from, but I know it's Jacc.

He knows what coffee I like, it's the same macaroons we always eat together, and he knows how my legs and feet aren't strong enough for a party like last night.

"Kanino galing?" tanong ni Mau.

"Ybanez?" ani ni Uno na tila kinikilig.

"Grabe ka na, Oli!" ani Uno kahit wala pa akong sagot sa tanong n'ya.

I held the coffee up and read a note there saying...

"Pahinga ka."

Ramdam ko ang kirot sa puso ko. I've been mean to him. Wala naman s'ya ginawang masama. Ako lang naman 'tong may nararamdaman. Gusto ko s'ya sobra, pero bakit parang sa ginagawa ko'y sinasaktan ko lang 'yung tao?

I looked up to both my friends who were smiling at me, but I, ironically, showed them tears.

They were both confused and so am I.