~Polar Star~

Not an Update

Hey guys...

I just wanted to talk.

Lately I am being very stressed.

I guess You people already know I am from India seeing my writing style .

Yes , I am from India and I am an Information Technology Student.
I am in my final year now.

( I really really want to know you people. So please comment how old are you and if u r a student then what do you study)

Okay, So the thing is lately I am really not being myself. I don't know why and from when. But i realised that I am not being myself.

And I found out what is happening to me.

I am being distant to myself. As dramatic it sounds it actually is happening.

I have few really good friends.
And i love them .

But somewhere I am being very much dependent, emotionally..

There little things have started affecting me very much and the worst part is i didn't even realise.

It's not that I am in bad terms with my friends. No...
We are still the same. But the reality is nothing is permanent.
All have their own priority list and maybe friendship comes below many things...

So what matters is being self sufficient.

I have always been a self sufficient girl.

But after getting few really good friends it changed.

But now that I have realised if it is not a heart to heart friendship,then it is not a true friendship.

I always think I love myself and all because I am a army and RM says you have to accept yourself the way you are...

But then this is not actually what i do to myself. I am not giving the worth that I deserve to myself and being emotionally void to my own self...

The solution is always the same. Be friend with yourself and actually embrace your own self...

I wrote these because maybe someone feels the same way out there..

Also I wanted to share a thing...

I like a boy so so much..

But you know girls!! We are really really good at hiding our emotions.

I told him that I like him in a very casual way in my fresher year and then he just took it normally and we became friends,like actual friends.

But in actual I have liked him these years.

And I don't think he likes me as more than a friend.

But my last birthday.. He took me to Lake and we talked about our lives...

Our goals and what is going on and all..
And after that we hung out almost every alternative days.

We two went to a real long one day road trip and it was one of my favourite day...

In his birthday he took me to another lake

I felt maybe he likes me. I know he actually loves me as a good friend but more than that...
I don't know.. but i felt it..

And after that I went back home and over phone we don't talk..

I don't know.. o just wanted share...

Whatever it is..
In my 20 years of life I have never been close to a boy. Like road trip or spending time with a guy I never did that..
So even if he doesn't like me in other way I don't feel like being sad.
Because the memories we created and those which we are going to create maybe will be so so special to me...He will be special to me always..

I was going to write these on my diary anyway but i thought to share it here.. now I am shy .

Bye...
Have a beautiful day tomorrow...

And about my story, Get ready for nose bleeding fluff..
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💕