Different Paths to Destiny [Game of Thrones]

36: More Alive Than Dead

" I am here with you
but so is our present past we tried escaping"

A loud knock on the door jarred me from my sleep. I groaned as I rolled over and pressed my face against Jon's shoulder. "I should go," he whispered.

"Don't," I whined. "They'll leave."

There was a second knock, more timid this time. "Amina? It's me." I leapt out of bed and searched for a robe, before running to the door. I threw it open, earning a shout from Jon who was struggling to put his pants on.

"Theon!" I squealed, tackling him into the hallway. His arms wrapped around my waist, and he hid his face in the crook of my neck. "I thought you were dead." Over Theon's shoulder I watched Jon slip out of my room and down the hall. I gave him a small wave before pulling Theon inside, and sitting him down on the chaise.

"They ambushed us, killed everyone, but not Yara. Euron wanted to taunt me," he said, turning his head away. "I should have saved her, I should have tried."

"If you had tried, you'd be dead," I reasoned.

"I should be! I'm nothing but a coward."

I grabbed his chin, making him look at me. "Don't you ever say that," I said firmly. "You are a survivor." Theon's shoulders began to shake, and I pulled him toward me before his tears could fall, laying his head in my lap. "You're alright now," I whispered. I ran my fingers through his hair. "You're safe. I've got you."

"It was like I was back there with Ramsay again. All the violence and the screams, I couldn't move. Euron held his axe to her throat and I couldn't even speak." He was quiet for a long time. We just sat there, in silence.

"Your hair isn't long enough to braid anymore," I whispered.

He glanced up with the smallest smile. "I'll grow it out again, just for you."

"I wish things could be the way they were before."

"Me too." He moved his hand to cover mine, and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I thought I was better, but I'm not. Maybe I won't ever be." I opened my mouth but he shushed me. "I don't want your apologies, this wasn't your fault. I made my decisions."

"Wine?" I offered, motioning to the carafe on the table. He nodded and sat up so I could pour our glasses. As I did, he looked over my shoulder, raising an eyebrow. I glanced behind me at the bed's tangled sheets. "Would you believe I'm a restless sleeper?"

Theon shook his head. "You sleep like a rock." I handed him a glass and took a sip out of my own. "I'm happy for you, for both of you. I'm sorry for everything I did to keep you and Jon apart. I never realized how much you really loved him."

"You did the right thing, even if I couldn't see that at the time."

"I only wanted to protect you from yourself," he admitted.

I smiled softly. "I know, that's why I want you to be one of my seven."

He didn't even hesitate, "No."

I stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to crack a smile. I hadn't had anyone refuse to join my Queensguard. I certainly never expected Theon would be the first. "You cannot say no, you're my best friend."

"You don't really want me, you only pity me," he said with a sigh. "When you look at me, you see a traitor and a craven. I will never be the man you used to know, no matter how much I wish I could be."

I sat down my glass and grabbed his free hand. "When I look at you, I see the boy I grew up with. The one who would blindly follow me into any scheme, even when you knew it would get us in trouble. The same boy who took me to a tavern and opened my eyes to ale, and bar fights, and getting sex tips from whores." His eyes glimmered with amusement.