I was drowning in her kiss. The intensity of it filled me with sensations I'd never felt before. I taste her and I realize I've been starving. I have loved before, but never quite like this. I have kissed before, but never did it consume me like thi...
"I kinda feel.. a sense of emptiness. Like some days I feel everything, every emotion, every phenomenon that occurs in my body. And on others, I feel nothing at all."
"Is- is there something wrong with me?"
Words 15 year old Alea once said to her therapist.
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- Wednesday, September 14th
"And then, he turns around-- as if what he just did wasn't embarrassing or, or, just fucking creepy. I mean, 1- how the hell did he find out I worked there? Did he follow me after I left? I think I'm reaching now but-"
Words 18-year-old Alea once said to her therapist.
"Alea, why don't you calm down a bit and slow down please?" Ms. Marshall asks, in her normal kind but professional voice. "Oh, oh. I'm sorry."
"All this talk about this boy, but you haven't been mentioning your dreams. You've been telling me all month about how they're still getting worse, how have they been since?" A pause.
Alea doesn't want to say it.
Alea doesn't want to say it because then it'll become real. She hasn't been having her nightmares since that night. Her mind haven't been filled with her past traumatic memories.
She's been sleeping like a baby every night since then, but if she says it out loud she's afraid that her hopes will get up and she'll let her guard down and they'll appear again.
"I- I haven't been having them. Not since Monday." Ms. Marshall's face lights up, as if she was a lamp and someone just turned her on.
"That's great news! Why do you think they've stopped? No- just enjoy that they have stopped. This is wonderful. I'm surprised you spent so much time rambling about that boy instead of something like this!" That boy.
That boy who within the 48 hours has become the first person to ever make her lose her cool. She hadn't felt anger like that for the last few years, more times then not she normally felt nothing but recently it's been different. She's been different. It's frightening yet intriguing all at the same time.
Her hate for him wasn't much of hate really, she just had a really really strong disliking for him. She hated even thinking about him, it was like she was empowering him even more with her thoughts, wasting her energy even letting him have a place in her mind. Somewhere that he shouldn't.
She would just leave and quit altogether but the money interested her.
If it isn't enough for her to keep going, then she'd quit. Her payments come in every Friday.
