You Have My Heart, Lady Illea (A Lady Illea Novel)

Chapter Thirty Four

I sat on the plane looking outside the window as I flew over Angeles. I sat back feeling particularly lonely. I turned my head to make a joke to Will about falling out the window when I stopped and realized something. I was on the jet all on my own and Will wasn't here. He was where he belonged in Angeles and I was going back to where I belonged in Carolina.

I started thinking back to all those months ago when I filled out the application form as a joke. I remember Emilie's smile and Leslie's laugh. I missed them so much my heart hurt. I was just a normal girl living with her dad until...until...

The Prince of Illea fell in love with her.

I let my head fall back onto the headrest and I let out a deep breath. I felt a war going on inside of my heart. I wanted to be Will's, and Will's alone, but I didn't think I could handle the pressure of being queen. I wasn't born with the qualities of a queen. I couldn't handle stress and pressure the way other people did.

I liked the simple life. I liked coming home to my father every day and watching the news with him and I enjoyed the people in Carolina and my best friends. If you put it one way it's sacrificing your entire existence but in reality...are you just trading one life of adventure for another?

I didn't know what wanted. I hated being annoying and bratty and sometimes my frustrations came out the wrong way. I was hardly ever truly mad. Most of the time it was just me being angry with myself. Angry because I felt like I was insufficient for Illea.

I felt like I wasn't good enough for him.

Then there was Cecilia, stupid Cecilia, who used to be my best friend but I let my own jealousies and insecurities ruin that. She wasn't a horrible person she just...she was everything I wanted to be and I knew she was more deserving than I was. I hated it.

I sighed heavily and reached into my bag. I took out the stack of letters I'd been writing and started a new one.

Dear Will,

I'm on the plane right now. I turned to tell you a joke when I realized you weren't there. It's the damnedest thing. Isn't it strange how we get used to things without noticing?

If I drive you crazy I'm sorry. I just realized how difficult I can be. I need to get myself together. I could ruin not just my life but your life too if I don't make up my mind.

Oh Will. I should have never entered my application.

It would have made your life so much easier.

-Alessa

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