It's You || D. "Sonny" Carisi

10

After a twenty minute discussion of her past and what recently happened with Sonny the girls all look at her with wide eyes.

Garcia exclaims at last, "hot New Yorker guy did what!"

"You're telling us that Rollins, your best friend at SVU, didn't tell you she's going out with the guy she knows you probably still have feelings for?" Asks JJ.

"And she knew of your conflicted feelings about him since forever but still said nothing?" Questions Blake.

"And you did this all through a game of hypothetically knowing you were both talking about each other."

Alfie pinches her lips together just nodding her head to all of them. She takes a seat in the booth pulling her knees to her chest.

She shakes her head holding back the tears again. "I pushed him away for good. I pushed them all away. Everyone from New York. I'm not sure how Nick, Fin and Liv will react but I just cut out Sonny and Amanda."

The girls slid into the booth comforting the distressed girl. "Maybe you should follow his advice. You admitted it yourself. You made a new life and family, I'm honored by the way, here in D.C. Even if things did work the way you hoped it to you're a traveling FBI agent and he's a city detective in a different state."

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have to agree with Pen," says Emily. "Your past is traumatic and heart breaking. That fear you have doesn't define you but it does take temporary control over your life. You've been so happy, joyful and out going since you started working here. You're no longer the shy, hesitate, quiet girl we met."

"Em's right, you actually have a social life now," JJ laughs. The others follow including Alfie. "It'll get better in time. Wounds do heal."

"Don't tell him I told you but Hotch is giving you and JJ two weeks off. Take that time to ignore your phone, not stress about cases, and do what you love. Go somewhere that isn't within D.C or New York."

She lifts her head up a small smile creeping onto her features. "And I think I know just where to go."

———
———

It's been seven days since the night at the bar. Seven nights since she cried herself to sleep. Seven nights since Emily's departure back to Interpol. Seven nights since she had seen Sonny Carisi.

Her plan to go somewhere didn't actually go to plan. She instead sulked in her room with ice cream and dozens of blankets on her bed. She had no desire to leave her room let alone her apartment for the remainder of her time on leave.

Her initial plan was to fly to Rome to see a friendly face. Elliot Stabler was running the organized crime unit in Rome so she had planned to stay with him or near him and watch him as he worked to learn more about organized crime. That didn't pan out, her guilt and regret fills her completely.

She thought about flying out to Chicago to see the intelligence unit. She wanted to see Hank Voight and the others including Will and Jay Halstead. Those brothers are surely a unique bunch. When she had flown out to Chicago a couple years back she got really close to Erin Lindsey and Adam Ruzek. They became quick friends. Every now and then they talk.

Otherwise she also wanted to visit the IRT team but she knows that they fly international for their crimes. The only person she would be able to see is Monty as he stays local in the states. She absolutely adores Simmons and his beautiful wife. Jack Garratt is much like, a father figure to look up to.

She hides under her covers ignoring all the incoming texts from the team checking up on her and filling her in on what she has missed. She loves their gratitude and sincerity but honestly she felt like she was being smothered.

Sonny never reached out to her, not once. Amanda Rawlins has been blowing up her phone consistently for the last two days. She assumes that after the talk with Carisi he talked to Rawlins about the situation ever since then she hasn't stop texting Alfie.

Alfie feels in the wrong for cutting both of them out. But she didn't want her feelings to get in the way of their new relationship. To be entirely true, Alfie only ever wished for the best for both of them when it came to relationships. She knows what they're like as people and honestly sees them as a good couple.

The rest of the SVU team has periodically reached out to her but she never responded. Fin was a nice big brother, Nick Amaro made it a priority to ask every hour for the last two days if she would like him to beat Sonny up. Of course she disagreed, though she never told him a straight answer. She actually laughed at first at the thought. Benson hasn't said much, then again, she is a hard-working woman with a child to look after.

She flips on her TV staring at the screen figuring out what she wants to watch with her movie or a TV show or bad romcom. She settled for Gilmore Girls fantasizing over Jared Padalecki.

The depressed woman knew she had to get off her ass and do some thing. So she decided to do the most reckless thing she could ever think of doing. She hopped onto her computer looking up airlines since she didn't have a car looking for plane tickets. so she was distracted for a minute getting a phone call from none other than David Rossi.

"Hey kiddo, how are you doing?"

"Better than I have been." She pauses looking around her room gathering clothes. I thought pops into her mind as she remembers who she is talking to. "Say Rossi, do you think The FBI would let me borrow a SUV from them?"

"Are you leaving?"

"Leaving The state for a couple of days. I need to get out of here. Don't mean mad but I'm doing something reckless, somethings stupid, and definitely against all your guys wishes."

"Just be safe, kiddo."

"I will, papa Rossi. Talk to you guys soon."

Obviously not getting a clear answer on the rental car from the FBI, she thinks more rationally and chooses instead of a plane ticket to just rent a rental car from a local place in D.C. getting her belongings together she heads out the door, down the hall, down the elevator, through the lobby, and calls for a cab.

The cab takes her to a local rental shop where she picks up her SUV and begins driving. She knows it's stupid but she doesn't believe she can just let them all go like that. So her idiotic mind has her driving over four hours to the lovely Manhattan.

I'm so fucking stupid.