Poetry and Story, written over coffee

Uncaged

Sometimes those of us in the LGBTQ community need to sort out who we are before we can live proudly as we really are. By being true to ourselves we can be true to others, including friends, families, spouses, and colleagues.

Coming Out is an important process that is different for everyone; some experiences are difficult to hear while others are heart-warming and inspiring. Nevertheless, coming out is never easy and we can often draw inspiration from others and their stories. When we feel free to be our self at all time in all places, even the seemingly small things can have a big impact on our happiness and wellbeing.

Openly accepting the LGBTQ community as hard. They we were somwtimes treated at different and not belong. Up until this time, there were still people in our lives that doesn't fully accept us whole-heartedly. Are you ready to open your heart and mind? Most importantly are you ready to listen without any judgement in your mind or you'll be closed minded .

I am Iris, my name was pretty sentimental for me, Iris was the goddess and greek term of rainbow, and rainbow is the color representation of the LGBTQ community.

"Iris, i think you should go to a psychologist or maybe a psychiatrist." My best friend told me, one time.

"Huh? For what? I just feel fine. Nothing seems wrong with me and my mental health." I don't feel like my mental health is at stake so i curiously replied to her.

She turned her head to me, looking disappointed, raising one of her eyebrows.

"Seryoso ka ba sa tinatanong mo? Oh my god. You're freaking joking right?" She replied to me histerically.

"What? Ano ba talagang problema mo!?" I'm starting to be pissed a little. She look at me dumbfounded.

"You seriously don't know? Or you're just fvcking dense. May narinig ako kanina sa girls CR."

That's where i realize what she meant. She was also there that time.

"Ah so, you're basically asking me to go a doctor para macheck ako just because you know i'm a fvcking bisexual!?" I shouted at her face. I don't care if everyone around us was watching.

Tumingin sya sa akin na para bang nandidiri sya na marinig mismo sa mga labi ko ang narinig nya kanina sa Cr. What happened in the bathroom was that i was trying to come up with the right words on how to confess to her that this is me, i am bisexual. I thought no one was there, but then that was just what i thought.

"Yes, because that wasn't right. There's only a girl and a boy. You can't be bisexual there's no such thing in this world." That hurts painfully. She was like on the verge of screaming.

I was dissaplointed to her, but we can't really force someone to accept and understand us.

"You know what, i'm done with you. I was a good friend to you, accepting who you are pero hindi mo matanggap kung ano ako, so i think we should stop being friend kung hindi mo matanggap kung ano talaga ako at kung ano ang reality sa panahong to."

Right there and then i leave her, i dare not to lool back on her. Kase alam ko kung lilingunin ko sya, i'll just ran back to her, kase she's my only friend. The only friend that i thought would accept me truly and wholely.

After that day, we stopped talking to each other. Parang hindi kami nagkakilala, parang dinelete namin ang isa't isa. Yung feeling na nawalan ka ng isang taong nagpapasaya sayo. I can't fully describe what i feel.

I still continue my life, kahit na parang pakiramdam ko mamatay ako sa lungkot. I started doubting myself too. I started questioning myself.

Ito ba ang kapalit ng totoo? Mali ba talaga ang maging ganito? Is this really a disease? Is this really what i am? Or i'm just going with the trend? Baka naman mali talaga to?

I decided to go somewhere quiet, to think about what has happened to me. My current situation will be the death of me, a little peace can save me from death. But not when all i think of is everything that happened was really wrong. Being this type of person is wrong. I kept sighing painfully with tears streaming down my face as I was sitting hopelessly at the roof. My mind was telling me to be a self-sla*ghter so that the pains will cease away. I hesitated but later on, I followed my mind and went to the kitchen and brought out a container full of poisonous substance. I felt really tired of everything that has happened.

I was about to drink it to the end when i heard the clicking sound of a sharp heels echoing in the attic. Ugh. Maybe the angel of death ready to pick my soul.

"Iris! Don't you dare do it!" That scream literally stop all the lurking thoughts about dying. I was totally shocked to hear my friends voice. She was there standing just few feet away from where i was sitting, looking furiously angry.

"Why are you still here? Hindi ba ayaw mo na sa mga gaya ko? Ayaw ko na rin sa sarili ko e! Diba mali naman to? Maling ganito ako? You said it yourself diba?" I forced myself not to shed a single tear, but i think i wasn't strong enough para pigilan ang sarili kong luha. But then I ended up crying helplessly, pouring my tears out like a lost child.

"I'm sorry okay? I was wrong. Akala ko kasi mali yon e. Akala ko hindi tama yon. And then nung nawala ka pinilit kong intindihin ka, pinilit kong subukan na intindihin yung kung ano ka talaga. Thats when a lot of realization hit me, walang mali sayo, hindi ikaw ang mali, ako, ako yung mali kasi hindi kita tinanggap agad, kase sinaktan kita and i know i put a doubt in you. I'm sorry, I was wrong. Just please..... pleaseee come here let's go down, let's go inside please." She begged me. Beg. She was f*cking begging, her face has that persuading look. She was crying, Not only that she was also kneeling.

My mind doesn't work anymore, i decided to run to her and immediately console her because it pains me to see her cry.

"Shhh, it's okay, it's fine. Tara na, bababa na tayo." On our way down she was just crying while hugging me.

Right after all that drama, we try our best to understand each other and of course we also give ourselves a chance to love each other.

My biggest realization from what happen is that at some point in our lives, the only person who'll ever get to understand the things that happen inside us is ourselves. We should never sabotage who we are to fit in places we've outgrown.

At some point, we've all been villains to someone else's story, but remember that the only story that matters is the ones that we have created ourselves. The ones we wrote and understood on our own.

As much as we understand ourselves, there are times that we get to be our own judge. We are the ones that run after our mistakes as if they are the only things that happened in our existence. That's really sad but I hope we get to find the friend we have in us, that would get us through the times that we become our own enemies.