Ammar

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People asked if I had ever considered running away from life and if I was okay. I just nodded. That is not a lie. I never considered fleeing from life; I wanted to escape from my house. There's more to it. I almost had it all planned out. But I can't be that selfish. My parents and everyone else are pensively worried, and I can't turn my back on them in this situation. I feel more trapped than ever within these four walls.


"Ammar, replace the dispenser bottle.""Ammar, bring my phone.""Bring the phone charger, Ammar.""Why isn't this charger working, Ammar?""Put my phone on charge."And whatnot.


Worse, no matter what I do or how hard I try, my father is never satisfied with me. Why not a position? A third position, why not first? And it's not just about studies. Despite doing everything he asks of me, all I get is his rage: slaps, beatings, and punishments.I am tired. I'm sick of pretending to be happy when I'm not. I'm tired of trying to please everyone. Tired of trying to be the best son, brother, or student. All I need is a little break, a little rest, and just a little fresh air to recharge myself.I know I cannot please everyone, and I should only try to please my Lord. But they are my parents. Prophet Muhammad said,


"One who pleases his parents has truly pleased Allah, and one who has angered his parents has truly angered Allah."1


But trying to please only my parents is draining all of my energy.O Allah, what is this confusion, my Lord? Have mercy on me, my Lord. Indeed, you are my only hope.

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