Just breathe

Ulfat

The phone bell rang.

It was past my bedtime, but did it even matter? I was lying awake anyway.

I got up and walked to the phone.

"Hafsa ❤️" it read.

But before I could pick it up, she hung up. I picked up the phone, but before I could call her back, I received a notification. It was a message from Hafsa that read: "Can we meet tomorrow? We need to talk."

                                                                                            ***************

"Why did you do this to me?" she wailed.

"What have you done, Ulfat?" I asked myself.

The way she said it, it seemed I had done something really terrible. And what was even crazier was that I couldn't even recall what I had done.

Most wouldn't need to worry if they failed to recall, but I couldn't just blindly trust myself. So many times, over and over again, my brother would tell me something I told him, and yet I would fail to recall saying it. Does it happen to everyone with ADHD, or am I uniquely forgetful and absent-minded?

"Did what?" I asked, trying not to sound rude.

"Broke your promise," she cried. "Told them that I have gone bald."

How did she get to know that I told him? Are they still in contact? Then why did he act like he didn't care? What game is he playing with her?

"Why can't you see? He doesn't love you," I blurted out. "He doesn't deserve you."

"Who's talking about him?" she cried. "I am talking about you. You were the only one who knew it. Why did you have to expose me in front of the whole college?"

For a moment, I fell blank. I told the college that she was bald? I know I said I was forgetful and absentminded, but I could never expose Hafsa. NEVER. Except maybe if I were drunk. But I don't drink. Why get high on alcohol when you can get high on emotions, fairy tales, and fantasies? Why spend money on something that will end your life? Why make life even more difficult when there are easier ways to commit suicide? But why make your eternal life painful for the transient pleasures of this life? Why not simply live this life and then live in peace for all eternity?

"Ulfat!" Hafsa cried. "Answer me!"

"I did not break my promise. I'd never do anything that would hurt you."

Her expression loosened, and she looked at me for a while.

"You really didn't?" she asked.

I nodded, although her cross-questioning made me doubtful again. And then without a warning, she threw her arms around me, sobbing over my shoulder.

My heart skipped a beat.

"You are just alarmed, scared. It is just a defensive mechanism. For God's sake, stop misinterpreting your emotions."

I hugged her back shutting my eyes tight. All I want is to shut these emotions away. Why can't I be a normal girl just for once?