wooyoung was laying on his bed, back on the mattress as he stared up to the ceiling. there was nothing interesting there; his mind was far too drunk to even comprehend that he's in his own room right now.
since it was seonghwa's birthday, wooyoung's parents allowed their son to attend seonghwa's birthday party. obviously, since the older was turning 18, there was alcohol everywhere. needless to say, wooyoung got drunk and while seonghwa was currently lying on wooyoung's bedroom floor (wooyoung wasn't in the right state of mind to even start to wonder why didn't seonghwa just stay at his own house with hongjoong), they were both too drunk to think of anything.
"woo?" seonghwa asked into the dark, receiving a hum from the younger, "i think i wanna be with hongjoong forever."
wooyoung let out a silly laugh — it was exaggerated but seonghwa could tell, somehow, that it wasn't all jokes as well. there was some sincerity to that laugh, but seonghwa just couldn't pinpoint where it was. "forever's are for children, hyung."
"i-," seonghwa started and propped himself up too quick, immediately flopped back down because of the rushing headache, "ouch. no, i really am not joking. i want to marry joong and spend forever with him."
wooyoung turned to his side, glancing at his hyung with a bored expression, "hyung, forever's don't exist. ("your parents have been together forever." retorted seonghwa.) forever's a lie; it's a lie that people in love likes to lie about because they want to flaunt their fairytale-like story to us. why else do you think we have first loves, hyung? if we just stayed with one person for our entire life, then why not just have love instead of first loves?"
seonghwa thought about wooyoung's words, as much as his drunken mind could understand, and frowned, "but i really think i've found the one, woo. hongjoong's definitely the one for me. i don't want to be with anyone other than him and i really think we'd go a long way together."
"well, then, good for you, hyung. forever's are so rare — that's why they only put it in fairytales."
the rain outside was pattering really hardly, making wooyoung realise once again that they're in spring right now. rain out of nowhere and the light showers in the morning will be more frequent as the days grow a little bit warmer. prettier and beautiful days will come soon.
they didn't talk for a long while. it was so long to the point where wooyoung thought that seonghwa had finally went to sleep before seonghwa blurted out a question again, "can i ask you a question?"
"you just did."
"shut up. do you, like, think of what it would be like if you stayed with san?"
it had been a good two and a half month since the 'breakup of the century', as people at school like to call it, and wooyoung had been doing a pretty good job at keeping any thoughts about san at bay. stupid, drunk seonghwa just had to break that streak and send wooyoung's brain spiralling again, thinking of san once again, despite him really don't want to do so.
wooyoung himself shrugged, knowing that seonghwa can't see it in the darkness, but still knew that seonghwa would probably expect him to do so. "i don't know," wooyoung replied truthfully, "i just- do you really want to listen to this?"
"yeah," seonghwa replied. he got up successfully this time and smiled at wooyoung, "i kinda sobered up and i really wanna hear your sob story."
wooyoung groaned. he sobered up a little by this point, too, and really hate himself for accepting seonghwa's offer. seonghwa was too persuasive for his own good.
"well, it's a bit complicated, really. of course, i thought about it. loving him was great, it was beautiful and amazing. i felt more lively and more like myself, more than ever, whenever i'm with him. i absolutely loved being with him. i loved every single bit of it."
wooyoung drew in a breath, gathering his thoughts before spluttering them out to seonghwa again, "i would love to say that i didn't know what went wrong and everything just happened so abrupt, but you already know how weary i was of the fragile relationship towards the end. everything was going downhill, it was going to end someday. we both knew that to some extent, i think, and maybe that's why we both just handled it like this happened every other day.
"i guess i'll never truly get over it, since he is my first love after all. but i'll always think of him as just a part of my life now. he's a part of my life whether i like it or not. i can't change the fact that he made me cry and made me happy, i can't deny that i loved him and he loved me. nothing in the past can be changed and all i can do now is accept it as my new reality. it'll take a while for me to get there, of course, but i guess it's just all process. it just takes time. and eventually, i'll be able to proudly say that i am fucking over choi san!"
seonghwa laughed, making wooyoung smile at it. it's always time like this that reminded him why he should treasure his friends over love. his friends and family will stick by him forever, and he's attached to them no matter what, but love comes and goes. maybe wooyoung should start treasuring them more, making sure that they know that he appreciates them a lot.
seonghwa climbed up to wooyoung's bed, wrapping an arm around wooyoung's shoulder like how they always do when they were 11, which was insane to think that they were so much younger when they first met.
"do you still love him?" he asked, whispering into the room and wooyoung just snuggled closer to seonghwa.
wooyoung hummed, "i guess. i think i'd describe my feelings as midnight rain: it's barely noticeable because people are normally asleep during midnight ("not you and i, apparently."). midnight rain is beautiful in a way that is nourishing and renewing everything at midnight, the time where the day repeats and renews. it's also poetic in a way that midnight could be someone's lowest point, and the smell or sound of rain just calms them down. it always calms me down when there's just that faint scent of rain lingering in the air after you wake up, knowing that it rained the night before. it's sometimes comforting to know that the sky wept with you when you're sad.
"but now i realise that maybe i'm more in love with the concept of san now. i'm not saying that i totally hate him and everything now; it's a different love than what i felt when i was with him. i think about the way he touches me, the way he treats me, the way he looks at me instead of specific things we did together. with the days passing by, his face gets blurrier and blurrier until it'll probably just be a blurb two or three months later. until then, i'll just accept that i still love him and that nothing can change that. and i think i'm okay with that."
seonghwa smiled. he kissed the crown of wooyoung's head, which took them back to easier times when wooyoung didn't have to get through a heartbreak and seonghwa had no one but wooyoung to care for. "you'll be fine. and if you're not, i'll always be here to support you. i love you, woo."
wooyoung smiled, "love you too, hyung."
i was gonna go into this whole big, long
chap with my typical thoughts of loving
the right person at the wrong time
that u usually see from me. but this is,
in fact, one of the shortest chaps in this book.
most of what wooyoung says ab san and
still loving him after breaking up in this chap is
actually straight from the depths of my notes.
yes, i have an ex lols. and yes, i was
still in love with him after i broke up with him.
it's ok now, though! i'm so over him
(am i? hopefully.) but i genuinely think
that people don't really get over
their first love. it's hard, since it's your first
and everything. maybe that's why it's taking
me so long to get over him completely,
but i'll get there eventually, and i
look forward to that day arriving.
anywho, tell me ab ur day!!
