origins (getting rewritten)

part 9: crush

lex POV

I opened my journal and started to write

I've been staying with baasima for 2 weeks now and it's been pretty nice. She's generous to me and I've felt safe around her. although I've been feeling myself grow nervous around her. like I feel my palms grow sweaty and my face turns red when she does something nice for me. I don't understand it. what are these feelings I get from her I don't know it's bizarre? am I unwell or something?

oh well. I pushed away from my desk and shut my journal, I sighed as I got out of my seat and put my journal away.

I walked out into the kitchen and started to make some toast. "hey what's wrong" baasima walked behind me. "umm well... I don't know really" I felt my palms grow sweaty.

(not now not now) my head was screaming at me, oh god why am I getting feelings." oh ok" baasima walked away. 

baasima was leaving to go to college now she shouted goodbye as she walked away. I just sat there quietly. I then walked to grab my journal and write in it...

----time skip----

we are now in a cafe, all my worries have gone for now. I haven't gone out before, so I'm pretty nervous. 

I was sat facing baasima and it just felt so fluttering I don't know why. I just couldn't take my eyes off her.

"so, baasima how are you?" I say trying to stir up a convo with her.
"I'm doing ok, how about you?" Baasima smiled at me softly.
"Oh uh I'm doing good" I smiled awkwardly not knowing what exactly to say.
"Nice" she had a look on her face seeming like she also didn't know what to say. I always found talking to her very awkward I can't figure out why though, I never really liked the how are you sort of conversation I find it just awkward and it always falls flat.

"Well uh what are you studying in college?" I asked trying to push the convo further.
"Oh I'm studying Vetanrty care, it's always been my dream to be a vet" baasimas smile grew bigger.
"Oh cool" I smiled back at her not knowing what else to say.
A awkward silence filled the area.
"So uhhh I-" I was cut off by one of the workers walking up to our table with our drinks and food. "Thanks" baasima said to the worker as they sat it down on the table.
"So what were you going to tell me?" Baasima asked.
"Well I, never mind" I sighed quietly.

We finished our food and drinks and walked out of the cafe. (Why didn't I tell her. She is so supportive of me why didn't I tell her about how I felt) the thoughts came flooding in to the point I was slightly overwhelmed.

"Are you ok? Lex" baasima lifted up my face slightly a concerned look covering her face.
"Yeah yeah" I said trying to convince her I'm ok.
"Oh ok, you do seem a little tired and your staring into space quite a bit" she said guilt still covering her face.
"Yeah I am a bit tired" I looked down at the floor.

We soon got back to the flat and walked up to baasimas room. She unlocked the door and walked in with me following her. We didn't do much after we got back.
I just sat down silent and I realized that I do feel a bit tired to be honest.
I don't understand why I told her about my true feelings for her.

----writers note----
I am working on another story on the side of this so updates will be slower than I intended.
Hope you are enjoying this and remember feel free to lend some ideas in the comments