Forgotten Memories [A Bensler Fanfiction]

Nineteen

Olivia blocked herself off from her mother and sister. The letter had overwhelmed her to the point she even dropped out of school. She rarely left the apartment, and only talked to her boyfriend, daughter, and Alex on special occasions. Knowing that her own sister had bullied her, and she was raped out west made life especially hard for her. Now she had another child out there, but where?

"Hey, Olivia. It's mom. I just wanted to call and check in on you again... Please call me and tell me why you've been ignoring us. I really want to know... I love you, Livvie," Serena spoke as she left a message.

Olivia took a shaky breath after listening to the message. She deleted it, then blocked her mother's number. Right now, she didn't want to hear from her or Jenny. In the future, she wasn't sure she'd want to be in contact with them either.

"Mama! I'm home!" Ava exclaimed as she walked into the apartment. The door didn't shut right away behind her, since Elliot was a little slower than their daughter.

"Hey, pumpkin. How was school?" Olivia asked weakly as she lifted her body off the couch. Ava ran straight to her mother and hugged her waist. It was a little harder as of late since Olivia was already thirty weeks pregnant.

"It was good! But I'm glad to be home. I missed you all day," Ava grinned. She leaned back and looked up at her mother, but she didn't see a smile on her lips.

"I missed you too, baby. Why don't you wash your hands, and I'll cut you up an apple for your snack," Olivia spoke. Ava's smile faded, but she listened to her mother and walked away from her.

Elliot didn't speak to Olivia until Ava was in the living room working on her homework and snacking on her apple. Olivia stood at the counter and prepped the salad for their dinner.

"How was your day?" Elliot asked, his hand resting against Olivia's lower back.

"It was okay," Olivia whispered.

"Did you get some fresh air?" Elliot asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"El-"

"Baby, you are pale. You only go outside to head to your doctor's appointments, and then you come back home and don't leave. Love-"

"The baby would be fourteen, El."

"What?" Elliot asked.

"If I had given birth to a baby in March, like my letter said, he or she would have turned fourteen last month. I don't know if my pregnancy ended up being viable or not... if I had that baby or not... but all I know is the age my child would be," Olivia breathed. 

Elliot turned away from Olivia and got into the fridge. He grabbed a bottle of soda before turning back to Olivia.

"Do you want to find the baby?" Elliot asked.

"Who says my baby wants to be found?" Olivia sighed. She sat the knife down and walked from the kitchen. Elliot heard as their bedroom door shut, and a sigh left his lips.

Things were so messy right now, so he didn't even know what the next step would be.

///

Olivia kept to herself that night. She didn't even eat dinner with Ava and Elliot. All she wanted was silence and a place to forget what had happened. Yet she wasn't sure that would ever happen. Her mind was running wild, and her depression was deeper than ever before.

Olivia was trying to sleep at around nine that night when Elliot walked into their bedroom. He turned on the light and shook Olivia with one hand.

"Liv," Elliot spoke.

"What?" Olivia yawned.

"I did something," Elliot replied.

"Something bad?" Olivia questioned as she looked over her shoulder. Elliot gave her a nervous smile, which confirmed everything.

"Kinda."

"Elliot Stabler, what did you-"

"I took your hairbrush to the lab, so they'd have your DNA again. I asked them to test it against other samples in the database... When we could close the case against Kevin, you were all over the news. Jane Doe of New York City had finally been identified and the man that hurt her was going to prison... So-"

"Elliot, just tell me why you took my hairbrush to get my DNA. Why you are dragging on about this?" Olivia huffed, as she shifted around until she was sitting up.

Elliot looked at Olivia before turning the laptop towards her. Sitting on the screen was an email, and Olivia grabbed the laptop. She rested it on top of her belly as she read the email.

For several moments, she read the email, stopping to think a few times. Then she looked up at Elliot, confusion and pain masking her face.

"Did you run my DNA through the foster care database? Elliot, that is illegal. That-"

"It isn't illegal when I had permission from the foster child. Olivia-"

"Who even says this is my child's foster parents, Elliot? This could be like when I was found. All of those false leads of people saying that they knew me, that I was their child! All someone wanted was their minute of fame, yet instead I just got hurt more. This could be another time I get hurt again, and I don't want that. I'm already completely closed off from you and Ava, and the only reason I'm still breathing is because you and I are expecting a baby that I don't want to hurt," Olivia huffed. She shoved the laptop into Elliot's hands before climbing out of bed.

Olivia went into the bathroom and shut and locked the door. Elliot tried to open it, but it wouldn't work. He leaned against the door and listened to Olivia crying inside.

"Liv-"

"I can't do this anymore, Elliot! I just wanna be done!" Olivia sobbed.

"Olivia, I'm sorry. But we need to follow this lead. They sent us a baby picture of your-"

"I don't want to see them, Elliot! I don't want to see a baby that probably isn't even mine!" Olivia yelled as she slammed her hands against the bathroom counter. She let out a sob that was loud and shook her entire body. 

Elliot cried outside the door as he realized he wasn't helping Olivia with this matter at all. He was just making things worse and hurting her more.