harry realized far too late you couldn't figure arabella out, she wasn't simple enough for that. you just kept tearing back layers to find that her creative body never ended. and if you kept tearing back those layers it would only end up destroying you.
you would end up lost in her riddles, and there was nothing worse than that.
but the thought of it sounded so simply pleasing to him, that he allowed himself to do it over and over again.
it took him far too long to realize that you couldn't beat arabella at her own game. she wanted to see how far she could pull you that even when you thought you were winning, you were losing.
after nearly two years of not seeing her, she still hadn't left his mind. she always managed to slip through his fingers. he'd be at the same concert as her and not realized until afterwards when she posted a tweet about the band's performance. or he'd leave five minutes before she arrived to one of louis' extravagant parties. he pounded himself on the head every time he missed her. not only cause he missed her by that much, but he hated himself for emotionally missing her. a girl he only met once for the span of about 8 hours.
maybe it was fate, he thought. there was a bigger reason as to why they kept missing each other. but then he'd think about what arabella would say. there's no bigger picture, there's no one watching over us. no such thing as fate, or the greater good. god dammit, i just believe in myself and that's more than enough for me.
he could practically hear her yelling those words to him. and it was so frustrating the fact that he could remember her stupid voice. and he wanted to just go get her, you know? like why was he waiting around for a girl who probably thought about him as much as he thought of her (at least he hoped she did), instead of just going and getting her?
because it was never his decision.
he never resented her for what she did. in the end it saved two broken hearts. but that didn't lessen his affections towards her, it simply made it grow.
arabella was a mystery. an illusion. someone that people gossiped about constantly. they'd hear rumors about her and her adventures and wish that they were the ones who got to experience them. people lived through arabella, they always had.
but the illusion of arabella only grew with harry. he thought of her, nearly everyday probably more than once. and since he never saw her, he was only going off the rumors that people created for her. once again, she was simply an illusion to him. and he loved it.
he sat in a wretched little coffee shop, off the map, the walls were wooden and you could basically see it rotting. the wood creaked with every footstep that came across the broken floorboards. but he couldn't just go out anywhere, because the paps or fans would find him and harass him even more. the thought made him laugh, because once again he thought of what arabella would've said. be grateful you ass.
so he was stuck here, writing in his silly little journal. not that he minded really though. because he was writing about her of course.
it was as though she imprinted herself in his mind. whenever he had a thought it was like she was there, making another snarky remark to him. his mind couldn't live without her, even if he had to.
he began scribbling down words in his journal. creating a story like she always did. but he didn't seem to notice the young misfit outside the small building watching him too closely. staring straight into the glass window at the front of the store, not bothered by the rain. they just stood there completely still, letting the rain pound down upon their hair, letting it streak their makeup and ruin the clothes they'd been wearing for three days in a row. and he didn't bother to look up when the jingle of the door's bell began to chime, signalling that a customer came in. he thought it was just the owner. no one ever came to this coffee shop, that's why he went there.
the silence continued and he was nose deep in his journal. fiercely writing about how it could be different one day. how it should be different one day.
he heard someone ordering a drink and he suddenly became confused. he glanced up to see the back of a girl, long dark hair cascading down her back, longer than arabella's, the ends dripping because of the heavy rain outside. the way she rocked back and forth on her feet, shifting the weight up to her toes and to the back of her heels reminding him of when arabella did that one time when she was standing near the piano.
he often found himself going crazy. and the other boys saw it too. how could he become so fixated on a girl he only met for a day? was that even possible? he didn't fall in love with her, no he definitely didn't. he fell in love with the thought of her over the last two years. it's what naturally happens to a person when they only leave room in their mind for one single thought.
he'd somehow fired off nearly three pages in the span of about 2 minutes. he was always humming about her. and just like he always did, he'd sing her song.
"just might have tapped into your mind and soul..." those words he heard her speak two years previously clicked and he began to realize how true they had become. and he felt himself becoming alex when he wrote that song. because somehow she always seemed to tap into your mind and soul.
and he almost started to believe that he could smell her organic cigarettes as though someone had walked in here after just smoking a fresh pack. he convinced himself that he heard the spritz of a Mexican Coke, and it's fizz began to mesh itself in with the cigarettes.
he was pulled from his daydream as he noticed someone slide into the opposing side of his booth. and he thought, damn, they've finally found my hiding place. but then he looked up, and it was a better picture than he ever could imagine. those piercing eyes he could recognize anywhere. the look on their face like they had everything together but they were just one more move from falling apart.
"you can't be sure."
