This Is Love

Chapter 4: Uncertainty

I knew it wasn't going to be easy to mesh with the members again after everything that happened. I expected it.

That didn't seem to be their plan though, instead treating me like I was human. No pity hugs, sad smiles, or understanding nods just normalcy. It felt nice to feel like I had gotten my life back in a way, I needed this.

"Jin Hyung, green or blue?" I look over at Hobi who holds up two different papers, a curious but almost serious look across his face. "Blue," he gives a nod and walks off then decides to turn around like he had forgotten something. "Oh yeah Hyung, so I was talking to manager nim and he said it might be a good idea to start making music again. Now that your back, maybe we could start up?" I was terrified to get back out, to try to start fresh after everything that has happened. I wanted desperately to see Army's again though, to hear the screams of excitement. "I, I want to try again." Hobi gives a bright smile and comes over giving me a hug. I accept it gratefully falling into his pine cologne, "I'm so proud of you Hyung."

He separates from me, giving a giddy almost laugh as he runs back to his room most likely to tell the news. I settle back into my chair in the living room looking around the room, an off feeling settling in my bones. I was never alone before and now, I was. No one here but me, everyone doing their own thing.

They don't care about you.

I groan not missing the deep voice that settled in my brain. I knew they cared about me, they proved that constantly. They're lying. They weren't lying. "Jinnie!" Taehyung comes over grabbing at my hand, "it's time for dinner!!!" I laugh lightly as he sways doing his own little dance. Taehyung was one of the people who had changed drastically since I'd gotten out of the hospital. His hair was dyed platinum blonde and his eyes somehow seemed sharper, not to mention he looked softer around the edges showing he was eating more. It was nice to see him fill out more, checks softer with a killer smile. "Did you get to make it?" He nods looking quite proud of his work, "kimchi with dumplings! I know your suppose to be on a specific diet hyungie but I thought it'd be okay to have a cheat day." I just give a smile and nod getting out of the chair to follow him to the kitchen.

When I get there, Jungkook, Jimin, and Yoongi are already sat down having loaded their plates and getting ready to eat. I go over to where the food is, sighing when I see everything laid out. Tae had done an excellent job cooking and I could tell he had followed one of my own recipes. "Does it look good Hyung? I really tried." I give him a nod watching the smile take over his face, "you did amazing Taehyung." He gives a giddy giggle and fixes his own bowl going to sit down at the table.

Your going to get fatter. I take a deep breath and grab my own bowl scooping out some of the kimchi, don't you dare take those dumplings. I grab two of the dumplings and put them on another tiny tray. "Ah Tae you even added the sauce, sichuan sauce?" He gives a proud nod, "yaaah your gonna beat me kid." "Never Hyung your food is the best."

I go over to the table sitting next to Yoongi who had a dumpling on his plate and nothing else. "Yoongi ah you need more," I say and he looks at me. It was clear to see his health had declined, the bags under his eyes were dark, his skin turned almost ghostly, and his whole being had gotten smaller. "I have to leave soon Hyung, I'm working on something." Jimin perks up pointing with one of his chopsticks, "Yoongi Hyung is making a mixtape." I give him a surprised look and he looks back almost worried. "That's amazing Yoongi ah why didn't you tell me? I should have known that's why your condition doesn't look good." He takes a bite of his dumpling and then wipes his mouth, "I don't want anyone to hear it yet. It's personal, but I'm hoping Army's will love it."

"I think it'll be a hit Yoongi ah." Yoongi finishes the dumpling and grabs his jacket off the back of the chair, with a few goodbyes he's out the door set off most likely to his studio. I move the food around in my bowl hoping no one noticed as they go into conversation. Good. You don't deserve food, you'll just get fatter. And fatter. And fatter. I tear one of the dumplings putting little bits in a napkin I had in my lap. "Jin do you like it?" I look up and see Jungkook giving me a knowing stare, the other two turn my way and then Tae jumps up. "I forgot Hobi Hyung! Hobi dinner!" He gets up quick running towards the bedrooms and I dissolve into a laughing fit.

The questions dropped and I have never been more thankful. Maybe I could get by without eating.

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HELLO!!!!

I am going to be starting this story again. To keep myself wanting to do this though I am going to publish up to 4 parts at a time. So then I know I'm dedicated.

I know a lot of people wanted this one back. And I aim to please.

Thank you all so so much for reading!

Love you all, bye!! 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜