This Is Love

Chapter 11: Worry

Bing!

Bing!

I practically fly to my laptop hearing the noise, alone in my room after a long day spent with Yoongi. Smoking and listening to him write lyric after lyric. There was only one person who could be messaging me. Only one. I open up my Gmail and give a giddy laugh seeing it was Namjoon who had messaged me back. I felt like I was on cloud nine.

Namjoon
It's been forever

Namjoon
How are you?

Jin
Alive.

Jin
I've gotten healthier. There's more meat on my bones you could say.

Namjoon
Id like to be able to see you again, healthy.

Jin
I'd love to!

Namjoon
How about tomorrow night, I'm totally free.

Namjoon
I've missed you a lot Jin.

Jin
I've missed you too.

My heart feels like it's about to jump out of my chest just thinking about seeing him again. I couldn't tell anyone, I'd have to say I'm hanging out with Yoongi again. I get up from the chair opening my own door set on going to Yoongis.

When I get there he's in his desk chair drawing out something on a piece of paper. He looks over at me, no smile evident on his face just a permanent bored look. "I need you to say your going to the studio tomorrow and that I'm going with you." He gives me a confused look, "why? I was planning on taking a break and hanging out with Seokie."

"Because I have plans that require me to go out the house and they won't let me if I don't have a good reason." He sighs, "what are you doing?" I question whether or not I should tell him but decide that it wasn't worth hiding from Yoongi. "I'm going to see Namjoon again, just a 20 minute visit and then I'm gone." His eyes go wide and he shakes his head, "no no you can't. Hyung I get everything else but you can't see Namjoon again." I roll my eyes, "and I could tell on you but you wouldn't like that sooooooooo better to avoid conflict and just go with it." He just nods and goes back to what he's doing, "fine Hyung."

I'm quite happy with the answer and leave the room almost bumping into Hobi. "Yah! Warn me next time." He gives a laugh and looks at the door, "is he awake?" I nod and try to go back to my room but Hobi stops me, "I'm scared Hyung. He's starting to look ill." I look at him guilt flooding my body, "what do you mean?" I had to play stupid, we were helping each other.

"He's always at his studio, and he tells me he's eating but he's getting bony again. He's also starting to smell like smoke and I know he has friends who do but I'm hoping he isn't doing it too. I'm just so scared I'm losing him." He confesses all of this with a scared expression across his face and I feel like I have to help him not worry. "Hobi he has his new song he's probably just stressed. Once he gets it out you know he'll be all healthy and happy again. He always bounces back." He nods a relieved smile taking over his face. I start to walk back hearing him open Yoongis bedroom door.

I could feel every inch of my body fill with guilt thinking about what I was doing. Yoongi and Hoseoks relationship had begun to suffer because of everything happening. Hoseok was no doubt catching on to what was happening with Yoongi and he was starting to become stressed. I know I should tell everyone what Yoongi is going through but he's helping me too. When we leave we can get by on not eating, we distract each other. I don't tell and he doesn't either. But he's getting sick, looking half dead everytime I see him. Hoseok probably isn't the only one who's noticed but since what happened with me their probably too scared to ask. I needed this to work though, for the both of us.

You need to be thin again. I don't need it but I want it. Jungkook needs you to be thin. I knew what was happening that the voice was targeting my person of affection and using it against me. I knew but I still fall for it. Jungkook would like me better if I was thin.

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