𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐬. 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰-𝐈𝐭-𝐀𝐥𝐥 | South Park x Reader

❝𝐃𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐝, 𝐦𝐤𝐚𝐲?❞

Nothing makes you feel more welcomed somewhere than having a couple of big-ass lasers pointed at you with an angry robotic voice shouting at the two of you to top it off.

"You are a minor approaching an area with controlled substances. Step away from the door or you will be terminated."

That's inconvenient. You never had an issue getting inside on your own, as you were a trusted 'customer' and were set as an exception in the machine's system, but it clearly wasn't the same for Dovah, who was still 17.

"I can get inside on my own if you wa- or you can go rummage in people's cars and start making a burrito out of nowhere, that might work as well." You started talking and turned to look and Dovah only to see him minding his own business and making a burrito out of stuff stolen from a parked car, which seemed to be a normal occurrence for him, as he had been taking stuff from every single place you were visiting with him, even Jimmy's house, but still. Kind of... odd.

Before he started to assemble his creation, he handed you his phone which had a notification written on it. Figuring he wanted you to read it, you did.

Cartman's post said, 'Don't worry about the security system, Butthole. I'm like 60% sure those guns are totally fake.'

You stared at it silently, wondering if you had read it right. You blinked once, twice, and the text never changed.

You decided right then and there that once Cartman arrived there, you'd try and push him into the lasers so he can confirm his 60% theory. Will he turn into swiss cheese, will he not? Only time will tell.

A terrible smell snapped you out of your second murder plan with Cartman as the victim. Facing Dovah, you took a step back, your free hand covering your nose. That taco he had made was a biohazard.

"You... you're not going to eat that, are you?" You asked. He looked at you, then at the burrito in his hand.

In a matter of seconds, he had stuffed the entire thing inside his mouth and eaten it. 'Ew.'

➤𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎: He just obtained the ability to stop time thanks to that monstrosity. Hurray.

'I- how.'

You didn't even have the time to blink after that pop-up appeared, once your eyes opened again, the lasers and security system got disabled.

"You and your tacos scare me, dude." You said. "How can tacos give someone superpowers?"

He shrugged. 'It's Morgan Freeman's recipe, not mine. Go ask him :D'

"I think I'm fine with not knowing," you started, "let's get in now."

Just as you're about to enter the store, someone you wished had appeared when the lasers were still active made his appearance.

"Ah, New Kid, Metis! I see you've also come to assist in assuring Classi's cooperation." Cartman made his entrance, ignoring your death glare.

He walked next to you, in front of the door and motioned for you two to get inside with his hand, "Please, after you."

Dovah made his way inside, but you remained outside to speak to Cartman.

"You're so goddamn lucky I don't have a Raccoongram account or I would've blasted your ass after that tweet you sent to Dovah." You smiled one of your most threatening smiles as you said this.

"What the fuck did I do now?" He complained, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"60% sure the guns are fake? Remember saying that?" You put your hands to your hips, "They would've turned him into swiss cheese, you moron."