Toxic and Mine

Homecoming

9/18
Reach for the stars so if you fall you'll land on a cloud.

I fucked up by fucking him. I feel so stupid now, I let a lot slide that I shouldn't have. After we got done having sex we both passed out. His family had to come get us and I fell into a small coma being passed out for a few days.

Once I woke up I had bandages on my
rib cage and wrists. I walked with a limp too.

At first I locked myself into my room out of shame for everything I've done. I feel like a terrible person, so weak and dumb. I hate the way I feel right now. I haven't eaten or drank anything from having no appetite and I haven't talked to Manon at all. When I look in the mirror it's visible I've been losing weight.

There's something going on with Manon, she's been ignoring me and I don't know why. She's been hanging out with the girls that she use to hate so much. They've been going everywhere together, the mall, bars and I haven't been invited even though I would have turned them down.

I underestimated Lydia, this bitch is a ring leader.

I stopped wearing makeup because I would rub my eyes in frustration. It has become a habit. I needed to go home to my friends, my real friends and parents.

I had my mind made up, I get up limping out my room and to the elevator. I walk pass Lydia's door to see it wide open. Me and Manon lock eyes. She was in there too with them. She quickly looks away finishing whatver she was saying. I don't know what's going on with her exactly but I frankly do not care.

I slam the button down going to the second floor. I hate to be alone with this man but swallowing my pride has been something I've been doing a lot lately unfortunately.

Trullijo runs everything, he's the father, the one everyone listens to. And I needed that because I feel as if he could reach Silva in ways I couldn't.

I walk to his door knocking on it before opening the door. He was sitting in his chair with a cigar in his mouth.

"Isn't this lovely." He says smiling at me. I could see Silva a lot in him.

"I thought you were a rude worker at first, almost shot you." He laughs. I don't say anything instead I sit in the chair in front of his desk looking at him.

"What can I do for you sweetheart?"

"I want to go home." I tell him.

"Oooh...ouch I don't think I can help you there."

"Please! I can't stay here Mr. Romano. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't know what's exactly wrong with me, I'm just depressed. Please let me leave!" My face started getting hot, I know tears would start coming out any second. He doesn't react at all to what I'm saying. In fact he just stares blankly at me.

"I use to be in control but I don't feel like I have control of myself anymore."

"It's because you don't have control anymore. Neither does my wife, or Manon. It's just how my sons were raised."

"I'm-I'm not happy here!" I cry tears fall down my face.

"I feel like I'm alone... I have no one to express my feelings too. I want to see my real friends and my parents. Let me go home. Can I please go home?"

"Okok shhhhhh." He waves his hands.

"I'm disappointed really, what happened to all that fire you had? You and I know you're better than this. I pity you right now." He throws a tissue at me telling me to wipe my face.

As I clean myself I hear the door open.
"Son! I'm glad you're here! I was just about to call for you."

"Young Nastasia here wants to go home really bad. She's very upset right now."

I don't even look to see who it was already knowing. He caresses my hair slowing moving to my shoulders rubbing them softly. I look at Trullijo starting at us in amusement. I can only imagine how a looked right now, so defeated. Silva was massaging my shoulders softly, it could have been taken as him consoling me but I know him.

They were speaking in Italian so I was completely lost. But from the tone Silva was aggravated while his father looked like he was having a fun conversation.

"Two weeks. That's all you get and then you're coming back." Trullijo says. I let out a chuckle of relief. I'm going home and I'm never coming back.

"If you want to leave today we can put you on a private plane."

"Yes today!"

Silva let's go of shoulders walking out. It was silence between us before he spoke.

"Between you and me. I like you the most, so I'm going to advise you leave and come back. Because if you don't... he will come for you and he will kill your family. I'm not saying this to scare you, I'm saying this so you can be aware. Be smart." He points at me.

"At least you get to see your friends and family."
*****
I hauled ass to my room, packed a full suit case with the things I need before running out. I brush right past the girls who were confused on what was happening.
Silva stopped me in my tracks.

"Come here." He tell demands softly. He grabs my arm pulling me into the living room. He nudged me to sit in one of the chairs before sitting across from me. It was quiet, I could only look at him for a second before trying to avoid his eye contact. I couldn't read his emotions at all and that scared me.

"You want me not to want you?" He ask almost like he was confused.
"Is that it? Yes it is." He says answering my question.

"You realize you're only living because I want you, I don't know what to do to prove to you that you have no say in this relationship. You are mine, we will eventually get married and have kids at your pace of course."

I try to cut in but he cuts me off.

"No listen, I want you to be happy, I'll give you anything your heart desire." He gets up to sit next to me and I try to move away but he stops me. "It's you that make it hard for us, fighting me. I'm trying to be patient but you're so damn stubborn. I know how upset it made you when I was talking to the girl, it means you do feel something."

"I -I guess in a twisted way, yes but you're too mentally unstable. You kill people for fun and you're abusive."

"Did you not break my wrist no? Who hit who first? You can fight but it makes you mad that you can't beat me. You'll never beat me because I'm not any of those college boys you fucked around with."

"That is true but still-"

"This is not a debate, I have my mind made up. You're lucky you're able to leave but know this" he grabs my arm a little tight making me wince.

"I'm watching you, I know your family and friends. I know what apartment you stay in and I'll know if you'll fuck around on me. You think I scare you now-"

"You don't scare me, you make me sick." He takes a deep breath to calm his nerves.

"Then make me show you what it's like to be scared." His eyes turned dark from fury. I snatches away from me getting
up.

"Do not.... Make me come to Colorado." That was it. The only thing he said to me.
***

I get into the drivers seat going straight to their private jet. I was anxious the whole time not being able to control my bouncing leg. Megan was meeting me at the air port. I missed being in her lazy ass presence so much!

"Ma'am?" I jump up getting tapped on.
"We are here."

I get out my seat with my suitcase as fast as I could. I was back in Colorodo and I'm  so happy I could cry. It isn't until I see Megan I lose it. I run to her giving her the biggest hug ever crying.

"Oh look at you." She says rubbing my hair. " we need to get you back girl... you look so lost."