Toxic and Mine

Time Moves Slow

Manon

Guilt is the only thing I've been able to feel for the past few months. Since October, the atmosphere around here has changed. Even Lydia's loud and controlling personality stayed isolated in her bedroom. The other girls and I barely talk. We all feel guilty, and it's unbearable to look at each other. It's like we shame one another for not doing anything before we shame ourselves for being hypocritical.

We knew exactly what Nastasia had gone through, but we stayed silent out of fear and carelessness. I was so caught up in Renzo that I had forgotten about the person who had my back. I can't express enough how I have longed to walk into her room and tell her how stupid I am. I would beg for her forgiveness, and I don't think she knew, but I really did miss her.

I've always been a stupid fool.

The day she was shot, I had this feeling that something was wrong. She was screaming on top of her lungs, and it sounded like a bulldozer was tearing up the entire west wing, but we were ordered to stay in our rooms. And so I did. I remember pacing back and forth, and she lashed out at me. I didn't blame her, and I felt so bad.

I heard her; she was storming down the hallway, talking her shit like normal. I didn't think anything of it until the gunshots go off. I remember freezing in place. In my heart, I knew it was bad. And then two more went off, and I immediately opened my door.

What I saw plays in my head daily. She was on the floor with blood pooling around her. I remember screaming, and I ran to her. She was still alive, just barely spitting blood, and I placed my hand where she was bleeding but there was so much.

Renzo came, and he panicked. I've never seen him in as much shock as I did that day.
I was screaming at everyone to get help. The paramedics were downstairs, and Silva refused to let them up here, and I remember him taking her body and throwing it in the elevator like a piece of trash. All I could do was scream at his inhumanity.

Silva stood there blankly, and even when she was gone, he stood there. We were all disturbed and upset. I hadn't realized how Nastasia had creeped her way into all of our hearts, but even Mr. Romano was speechless. It was like ringing in my ear, but Romano and his other sons were all yelling at Silva for his reckless actions.

But to our shock, she was still alive. Comatose, and the probability of her waking up was very little. Nastasia is considered brain dead, and she lays in a hospital room, pale and lifeless.

It was more unbearable when her parents and two best friends came down. You couldn't console them. I would visit her room every day just to talk to her, and when Sharon and Megan saw me, they kicked me out. Both of them hated me. It added more to my consciousness and I was coming out of the experience as a weak woman. According to Mr. Romano, Stasi was shot by an intruder as collateral. He told her family that some enemies of theirs had shot her. And he dared any of us to say otherwise.

And so, as far as I knew, that's what they believed.

Her parents' reaction was something I couldn't comprehend. They stayed for a second before leaving.

"Our daughter is strong; it's going to take more than three bullets to kill her." And with that, her mother left.

Sharon and Megan come by every few weeks to talk to her.

Nastasia was shot down a week before her 20th birthday, and she missed it. She also missed Halloween and Thanksgiving, and Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day have passed.

It's almost been five months, and there has been no change in her condition. Their doctor thinks they should just pull the plug, but I refuse, and so does her parents. It's such a shame that her life has been cut short, and we all leave in July.

This has taken a toll on all of us. Like I said before, the house is quiet and dull. Silva hasn't been seen in months; he left the day of her birthday and hasn't been back. I've caught Lydia crying a few times too. She would call Stasi her sister to annoy her, but now I can see that she really saw her as that.

I want her mother to be right.

Please Nastasia, please don't let this be the end...

Of your story.