Definitely, Maybe, Sometimes. | ✔️ COMPLETED

Chapter Thirty-One

"What's wrong?" Nate asks for the eighth time that shift.

"Nothing." I say, too scared to talk about it in case I choke on my emotions.

"Look," Nate says, "Sit down, will you? I'll get you a drink."

I do as I'm told and watch as he pours me and extremely large glass of wine. I try and pull myself together. I haven't seen Jordan for twenty-four hours and it's killing me.

I don't know where he's gone or what he's doing.

I need inside information. I need Nate to tell me it's all going to be okay. I know he probably won't. I know he doesn't like or trust Jordan. But I need someone who truly knows him, who has known him for ages to tell me I'm not insane.

It only dawns on me once Nate comes over I probably should have gone to Rory. Though I'm sure Rory would have just told me to sod off. His loyalty would be to Jordan, not to me.

"Talk to me." Nate says, giving me the glass of wine and sitting next to me.

"I don't know where to begin." I start. "Do you think it's possible for some to make you feel like you're the most incredible person in the world, and also like you're nothing at the same time?"

He looks at me. "We're talking about Jordan?"

I nod.

"You're important to him." He says. "I've known him a long time. Believe me, I think you might be the most important person to him."

"I don't know. He seems to be getting colder and colder the closer we get. I don't need to go official, some declaration or some great big, grand gesture. But I would just-"

"Like Jordan to give you an inch?"

"Yes. I don't know. I think so. Sometimes he acts like I'm nothing more than a means to an end, and other times he acts like he adores me."

"I mean those things can run concurrently. You can be both to him, he same way you can be happy and sad at the same time. I really think he's nuts about you. But most guys aren't good with the lovey-dovey stuff, you know? Especially not boys like Jordan."

"But why not? Why not with me? I'm not going to hurt him."

"Well, you know Jordan. He's a bit broken, isn't he? Lost his mum at a young age and then his brother. His dad is a bit of a bastard, his grandad is even worse. Camilla tried, she really did, but I don't think she held much weight, not really."

"But why does that mean he can be so off with me?"

Nate shrugs, "If the people who are suppose to love and protect you abandon you at a young age, I suppose you're going to build walls. He can't trust anyone 'cos everyone he's ever trusted has either died or hurt him. He doesn't have a family like you or I. Who knows what the hell that does to a person."

"But I'm not just anyone."

"You're right." Nate says. "Neither was I, and look what he did to me."

I start openly crying then.

Nate continues. "I used to let him sleep over when his dad would be particularly harsh. I'd be his escape. Everyone at school admired him, they wanted to be him, but no one trusted him. I did. I let him in. He knew how much I loved Claire but he still slept with her and then kept it a secret. She and I stayed together for year until I found out." He sighs, looking sad. "Some people are hurting so much they can't help but hurt everyone around them. They go through life smashing into things as they go, not caring about the destruction they leave behind."