The Holly and the Ivy

On the First Day of Christmas

Holly was in a mess.

A tinsel-covered, cinnamon-scented, eggnog-flavored mess.

Christmas was only a few weeks away, and the day after Christmas she was supposed to be having her engagement party.

The problem? She didn't have a fiancé. She didn't even have a boyfriend.

How did she get herself into such a pickle?

A desperate desire to not let down her family and a series of increasingly poor decisions. And the patriarchy. Couldn't forget the patriarchy.

You see, Holly wasn't your normal 22-year-old girl with a set of demanding, yet loving parents she would do anything to please.

She was a 22-year-old girl with a set of demanding, yet loving parents who also happened to be Santa and Mrs. Claus.

But she would still do anything to please them. Hence the series of increasingly poor decisions.

Her Mom and Dad had her later in their lives. It wasn't easy for them, so they called Holly their miracle baby - their first and only child. But now her Dad was nearing 60, and was getting nervous about his family line. The Santa magic had to be passed down through blood or marriage, and right now, that was a dead end at Holly.

Now, Holly's feminist side told her that she should demand her father pass the magic down to her, and that she become the first-ever female Santa. But not only would that probably involve a fight with her dad, it was a terrible idea because Holly would be a terrible Santa. She was terrified of strangers, struggled to speak in crowds, and had the charisma of dry fruitcake.

And even if she could bring herself to be Santa, that only solved half the problem. Because in order to pass down the magic, she also had to have a child. And last she checked, unlike an aphid or a starfish, that wasn't something she could do on her own.

It wasn't fair that the magic worked that way, basically forcing her into a relationship that she didn't want. And her parents were exceptionally kind about it, trying their hardest not to pressure her into dating or marriage. But she could tell that they were worried that Santa Claus would end with her.

Actually, worried was an understatement.

Holly could see the utter panic in their eyes every time she visited them during college and told them she was single. Her parents' attempts to hide their fears were undercut by the fearful looks they exchanged with each other when they thought she wasn't paying attention. And as a dutiful, eager-to-please daughter, Holly wanted to allay her parents' concerns.

So, Holly created Adam. But unlike God's version, Holly's Adam was nothing but layers of deception and desperation, passed off on a set of unassuming parents.

"We met in college."

Lies.

"We got engaged over Thanksgiving."

Lies.

"He's really excited to meet you."

Lies.

"Of course he knows about the whole Santa thing."

Lies lies lies lies lies.

The current situation to the contrary, Holly was normally an extremely well-behaved, responsible, and reliable girl. Even though her father was a mystical being, she was extraordinarily kind to all those around her and would go clean up reindeer poop or shovel out the town after a blizzard, just like any other elf. If her dad had kept her on his list, she would have consistently found herself on the nice side.