forever and always, merridew ~ lord of the flies (1990)

trust me

my eyes fluttered open as the warm sun shone down on the beach. i tried to move but realised that i couldn't as something was prohibiting me from doing so. i looked over to see jack with his hand gripped around my waist tightly, still sleeping peacefully. i smiled and gently shook him to wake up, he quietly groaned and i giggled "jack, come on, wake up, it's morning now"

as i was waiting for jack to get up, i took a look at captain benson to make sure he was alright but when i did i realised he was gone. i got up and rushed to the bed we made him but it was all empty "JACK, RALPH, SIMON" i shouted and they all happened to run up to me at the same time "what is it riley?" ralph said, curiously "captain benson, he's gone" i say, a look of panic over my face. he was the only adult on this island and if he happened to get better he could have helped us get a way out, or at least tried "we have to go find him" simon says in a similar panicked tone to me.

we decided to go hunt him down in the forest. the boys brought their spears for some reason, i don't know why. i walked alongside ralph as he was calling out for captain benson, simon did the same.

"save your breath man, he's gotta be close by, he's probably just lost" ralph reassures.

we end up out at the shore, i see simon eyeing something up in the water so i follow after him "look!" he pulls out some of what looks to be captain bensons clothes.

"it's nobody's fault simon, he just didn't know what he was doing" ralph tries to explain to simon but he won't allow it "i don't think it's what you think, i don't think he's dead" i wrap an arm around simons shoulder, but i give ralph a look as to say "be honest and tell him the truth" "why not?" "where are his shoes, we've gotta keep looking" "he just swam out in them i guess" i say to him "and his belt? he left his pants and swam out in his shoes and belt?"

"he was crazy simon" ralph says, not wanting to make simon feel bad. he sighed and took the clothes and made his own way back into the forest. me, ralph and the others look at him as he walks and just give each other guilty looks. i take ralphs hand in mine and guide the group back up to the camp. as i'm holding ralphs hand i get a tiny blush on my cheeks, but when i turn to look at ralph he is fully red. i just smile to myself and keep walking.

*the next day*
the hunters went out, alongside ralph, to search for a pig again. me and the little 'uns took a trip down to the lagoon. i washed some of the boys clothes in the water whilst watching the little'uns play around with each other in the water, some didn't want to leave my side so i let them help.

later on, we went back to the beach in time for the hunters coming back. the little 'uns were bored so i set up a game to play, and they all quickly agreed.

"alright, let's play duck duck goose. does everyone know how to play it?" they all nodded their heads and we played for around 20 minutes before all the hunters emerged from the forest. some of the older ones wanted to play so i got up and walked over to ralph "any luck?" when they turned around i noticed that jack had some red and black marks on his face, i wanted to ask about it but i figured that it wasn't my place "no, nothing" ralph says looking down "it looks like you and the little 'uns had fun though" he smiled at them still playing duck duck goose. "yeah it was real fun, shame y'all couldn't have been there"

once it got dark we all sat around the fire like usual. i naturally placed myself beside jack. i could tell that some suspicions were starting to rise about us, but i didn't care and neither did jack. i lay my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around my waist again, out of the corner of my eye i could see ralph staring at us, jaw clenched, more specifically at jack with a look of envy.

later on we packed up the fire and decided to head to bed. but as usual i stayed up, watching the ocean. jack kissed me goodnight and i smiled afterwards, admiring his beautiful features. as i sat down i felt a presence come near me, i thought it was jack at first but it turned out to be ralph.

"what are you doing up?" i asked him as he sat down beside me "just didn't wanna sleep" he says. we stay in silence for a few minutes before he speaks up again "riley?" "yes" i respond "i-is something going on between you and jack?" he tries to avoid eye contact while talking to me and i can tell by his tone that he is extremely nervous "and what if there is?" i say looking at him

"don't trust him riley, please"

i think about what he says "why not?" "he's not being his true self. trust me riley, i've known jack for years and not once has he ever truly cared about anyone"

i feel really deflated when ralph says that, did jack not care about me? was this all just some game to him? but then again, i can't be sure that ralphs telling the truth.

"ralph, why're you telling me this?"

"because-" he hesitates "because i like you riley" i'm sat there wide eyed as he continues "i don't want you to get hurt by someone like jack. you're such an amazing and beautiful girl and you deserve to be treated right, i just don't want jack to hurt you" his voice quietens at the end of his speech. i hug him tightly but don't say a word. i give him some time to breath before saying anything.

"ralph, i don't know what to say. i like you too but i'm not sure if it's in a romantic way for me. i'm so so sorry and i wanna be your friend because you are such a great boy, but i need you to understand that, i don't feel the same way, i'm sorry"

he looks heartbroken, but nods his head "it's ok, i hope he makes you happy" and with that he stands up and walks to his bed. i'm left there sitting and thinking about my previous decisions. did i make the right choice? will i regret it in the future? i shake away my thoughts and then head to my bed.

maybe things will have settled down tomorrow.
or so i thought.

𝟷𝟷𝟾𝟶 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜

𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚐𝚞𝚢𝚜. 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎'𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒'𝚖 𝚝𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝. 𝚒'𝚟𝚎 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚘 𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚢 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚜𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚕, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚎𝚡𝚊𝚖𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚒 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚞𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢. 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚎 😭 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚑 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚎 🫶🏻