Indego

9-Series Finale

I think I did the right thing. That was the best way to handle it. I mean. I forgave her and everything, but that doesn't mean I should take her back as a friend right? Right? I think I've done a good job so far.

Ugh. I don't know. Maybe if I go over it, I'll feel better. I did it with canceling the site, and I did feel better about it afterwards.

Ok. Let's go back to the meeting with Pastor Jean.

Mom decided to keep me out of school a little longer as she and dad tried to work out the lawsuit thing without having me there. I wanted to spend some more time by myself, but they wouldn't leave me alone. The next day she left me sitting in that cold church office. It was so embarrassing when he came into the room and I had to greet him wearing an old t-shirt and shorts while he wore a suit and tie. Even with his wide toothy smile did not kill the foul mood I was in. The last thing I wanted to do today was get lectured by a preacher with my parents waiting outside the door even it if it was my favorite preacher.

"So... I heard you wanted to talk. What's on your mind?" he asked.

"It's really nothing. I'm just dealing with some school problems right now. I can deal with it on my own." It was such a bad lie I don't believe he was fooled for a second, but if he did know I was faking he did not let it show. He started off slow by talking about how his new baby boy and how the renovations to the church was going. I knew he was just trying to ease me into telling me what was wrong, so I tried to think of something else to tell him. I told him some boring stuff about school, watching his face to see how he reacted to it. He looked so bored by it, so I hoped he let me go soon. I got the feeling that my parents didn't tell him the whole situation, so I guess they trusted me to enough to tell him as much as I wanted to.

I'm glad that I at least felt comfortable enough to get some of my problem answered.

"I'm also having trouble with my best friend. Well, she used to be one of my best friend. I found out that she's been telling everyone all my secrets behind my back for a few weeks. I don't know what I'm going to do if I see her again." I told him honestly.

He paused and looked down like he was deep in thought. He then said, "I'm sorry you went through that. It's terrible when you find out that a friend betrayed you. I guess the best advice I could give you is that you should try to forgive her."

"But why should I forgive her. She turned everyone against me. I hate her!" Suddenly, I had to keep tears from leaking down my face.

"Even if you don't think she deserves it. You have to try forgive for your own sake. It'll only make you feel worse holding those negative feelings towards her."

"I don't know if I can do that. What's worse is that what she showed them was true."

"Just try you best to talk to them. Even if they are still mad at you, you'll regret not trying anything at all."

I didn't think much of his advice when I was there, but there's one thing he said when I was about to leave that really helped me. He had to have know more about what was going on with me than he talked to me about.

He said before I left, "The most important thing you need to remember is that you shouldn't feel that you shouldn't put so much energy in trying to please people to the point that it drains you. I know you have any problems, you can come back and see me again."

When I went back home, those few words about pleasing people went round and round in my head. I realized that this is what had been holding me back. I got so caught up in trying to please everyone that I took my friends for granted. I didn't know if they took my apology. Kiara, Elle and Andrea seemed to be ok when I talked to them. At least, Jenny turned on v-chat when I talked to her. I hope that I got through to her.

Then I had to confront Marco. It was silly. It was really silly that I waited so long to call him. It wasn't that bad when I finally decided to get up the courage to finally called him. Though I was surprised that I received a message by v-chat. When I opened the video, I saw that he didn't have blue bangs anymore.

"What happened to your hair?" was the first thing I said to him. He laughed at that and pushed his bang from his eyes.

"Yeah, It washed it out awhile," he said. "How are you doing with everything?"

He told me he heard everything from other people, but he clearly knew more about the details than we talked about. Our conversation was short. He only mentioned that he was sorry for all that happened and said he missed me at school. I swallowed hard before I asked him about Delilah, and he told me that she broke up with him because she just wasn't interested in him any more. He didn't look all that torn up about it, so I'm not sure if he was telling me the truth or just trying to make me feel better. He left me with the feeling that he wanted to tell me more. I guess I'll have to see what he says when I meet him tomorrow.

After all that, it was a waiting game. Either waiting for a new call or waiting to hear the results about Wendy's parents, I felt like I couldn't do anything more for two more days. I was glad that they settled things without the lawsuit. I don't think I could handle dealing with a lawsuit.

Most people stopped providing hateful suggestions, but it was mostly because they wanted to me to restart the show again. I guess I hadn't gone full Revo yet. I still haven't gotten rid of that damn Indego. Maybe, I don't hate the Indego as much as I thought I did.

At the end of the two days, I finally went back to school. It wasn't as bad as the first time I tried it. Sure people still looked at me weird, but they mostly had pity faces instead disgusted faces. It appeared that my signing off had fixed up my reputation for the most part. Even Elle and Andrea smiled at me when I came back. They stuck by me the whole day and helped me get caught up on everything. I'm so sorry I said those things about them. They didn't deserve the shit I gave them.

But it was only a matter of time before I saw Wendy again. I think she'd been trying to avoid me all day, but I finally caught up to her. When I went to the restroom during lunch time, there she was. Unlike her normal self, she looked so tired. Her hair was a limpy mess of brown that drapped over a faded green hoody that I've never seen her wear out of her house.

"Wendy? I said, turning her around in an instant. She looked at my face then looked at the ground.

"I guess you want to yell at me or something like that." she whimpered in gravely tone. "I know I deserve it. Let's just get it over with."

Sometimes I wish I did more to her than said I forgave her. I wanted to scream in her face or slap her and tell her how horrible she was for putting me through all this, but I'm better for it. Her tears at least showed that she was repentant. But I didn't want to be around her after that. Did that mean I hadn't forgiven her? No. It's fine. Just because I forgave her doesn't mean I have to make her my bff again.

Though that was the first awkward thing that happened to me that day. The second was Marco coming up to me after lunch and saying he liked me. Well, he didn't say it like that, but It was definitely what he meant.

He said that he hadn't told me the whole truth about how he felt about the kiss we shared.

Technically he said, "When we... kissed, I did like it. I'm sorry I lied to you when I told you didn't."

I didn't know what to say to him after that. I knew I felt the same way about him, but I didn't feel ready to start anything like a relationship yet. But I'm meeting him today, so maybe I'm ready for one again.

I think I'm good for know. I think that everything will get better from here. I don't know if I'll make videos again, but I think I can handle using the Indego again.