Season 3 Young Royals (Version 1)

59. Ett brev till min mamma

Friday in the dining hall, at lunch time Wilhem sat next to Simon as usual during the week. At weekends they often spent the day at Simon's house or had Simon stay over in Wilhelm's room at Hillerska.

Linda seemed to accept that Simon was safe if he was with Wilhelm, although she had made a point of reminding them to close the damn curtains and lock the door when they were alone. She said it at least once a week.

This weekend Wilhelm had plans to go to the Palace to speak to his mother however, and he was feeling nervous. He'd been working on writing her a sort of final letter so there could be no confusion on how he felt about his situation.

He tried to eat but was distracted, turning and contemplating Simon every once in a while. Simon felt Wilhelm's eyes on him and he looked up from his food for a moment, questioningly.

"Are you okay?" He gave Wilhelm a small, hesitant smile.

"Yeah...I'm just thinking about what my mother will say..."

"She must already know how you feel. You need to try to convince her to be on your side more than theirs and do what's right for you too. You're her son after all."

"They've always come first."

"She only has the choice to either let you be who you are or let you go, right? You can't offer anything else. So if she realises this could be the end of her family line, then what else could she do?"

"She mentioned adoption when you met her with your mom, but I don't think she meant she thought it was really possible to her way of thinking. It seems like she'll do anything to make sure I'm king and that my kids will carry on the family line."

"What about Noah?"

"What do you mean?" Wilhelm lifted his eyebrows and turned his body more towards Simon, surprised at the question.

"Could he be the heir? He's a 'natural' descendant." Simon used air quotes and dropped the volume of his voice as he said it, then looked around discreetly.

"They'd have to legitimise him somehow and admit they'd lied about him being Erik's, and she wouldn't do that."

"You said Boris was talking about your ancestor thet was adopted...couldn't they just...?"

Wilhelm frowned,"...adopt my brother's illegitimate son and place him as the heir?" He looked at Simon as if he'd lost his mind.

"Umm, not a good idea?" Simon leaned back slightly, hesitating.

"Well, it actually occurred to me..." Wilhelm scoffed. "And it gets me out of succession, but then passes the problem on. Lena would never agree."

"Maybe when he turns eighteen he'd be interested..."

"I don't know what I'd do until then, and hopefully he wouldn't be. People who want to be king are...problematic, I think. August..." He lowered his voice as he said his estranged cousin's name.

Simon pursed his lips and lifted his head in agreement.

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That evening he arrived home with just a small backpack, unsure if he'd end up staying the weekend after he'd concluded his conversation with his mother. He left it near the entrance on a silk settee as he came through the main door, just in case.

He'd been brought back by his bodyguards and his mother was waiting for him in her office once again.

He knocked on the door, only hesitating slightly. She called to him to enter and he turned the knob before pushing the door open.

"Have a seat, Wilhelm."

He sat across from his mother with his letter in his jacket pocket, waiting.

"You wanted to speak to me in person..."

"It seemed more personal than phone or text."

She folded her hands in front of her on her desk, nodded slightly and waited.

"Mamma, jag vill inte skada dig. I'm not saying any of this to hurt or disappoint you."

Wilhelm knew his letter was there if he needed it but he'd written and rewritten the letter so many times he was able to recite it from memory almost with no hesitation.

"Loving who we love isn't a choice we make. It's the only choice we have, and it is worth it.

I feel that if it were only up to you, you'd want me to be happy no matter what.

It's the Court, the establishment, this business, that manipulate and use us.

I want my life to be my own, but, in the Royal Family, our lives never really belong to us.

I don't want to hide who I am, and I can't pretend to be what people expect, just to please them."

He paused as it seemed his mother wanted to speak but she didn't, so he continued.

"The way things are now, I can't be Crown Prince...and I need you to understand me. I need you to be my mother, and I need you on my team too. I need you to support me, and treat me like your son before you treat me like the Crown Prince. I need you to care that I'm ok before you wonder if the Court is ok."

His mother's face remained impassive but she leaned back slightly in her chair as he spoke.

"If you don't think it's possible to...I can't be the Crown Prince, and I can't be king."

He finished in a perfectly calm voice and waited.

"That's what you wanted to tell me?"

"Yes...That's all." He felt confused that she didn't have more of a reaction just then. He frowned slightly then controlled his expression again.

She cleared her throat and pushed her chair back to stand up from her desk without looking at him.

"Alright..." she sighed deeply, "I'll think about what you've said and we can continue talking about it tomorrow. There are different issues to consider that you aren't aware of, so I'll inform you tomorrow once I've conferred with the Court as well."

Wilhelm dropped his shoulders, realising that his mother was still in her Queen mode and wasn't prepared to treat him like her son first and foremost. It disappointed him and he didn't have much hope that she would support him, but he felt his conscience was clear because she couldn't say he hadn't told her how he really felt.

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Wilhelm felt strange sleeping in his bedroom for the first time in several weeks. It had been tidied and dusted in his absence, but it felt empty and impersonal.

He sent messages to Simon throughout the night to let him know what was happening, that he was still waiting for a verdict from his mother, and the Court.

"Well if it doesn't go your way tomorrow, my mom says come over and stay here on Saturday. She also says you're very brave for doing this. We both do. Get some rest, Wille. We love you. ❤️"

Wilhelm sent him "I love you too. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Good night. ❤️" and shut his phone before setting it on his nightstand and pulling the duvet up as he tried to feel sleepy by closing his eyes and replaying the less distressing parts of his week.

He thought about the lovely times he'd had with Simon every day that week.

They'd gone for a walk at the lake and watched the sun go down as they held each other, then looked into each other's eyes. He pictured Simon's smile in his mind.

He remembered how Simon had pushed his hair behind his ears again and played with his jacket lapel. He'd looked for excuses to touch Simon's hair and face as well, then kissed him and cradled his face as the sun went down.

Soon, Wilhelm fell asleep.