Jegulus (Taylor's Version)

Christmases When You Were Mine - James

James' POV:

"Happy Christmas, James!" Sirius yelled as he ran down into the Potters' living room on Christmas morning placing a mistletoe plant up over my head.

"Please take down that mistletoe."

He frowned at me. "Why?"

"Because I don't wanna think about that right now. Because everything I want is miles away, in that ghastly place."

Sirius sat down next to me. "Do you want to go steal Effie's cookies from the kitchen?" I shook my head. "I'm worried about you, James."

I didn't need Sirius to worry about me so I mustered up the best smile I could and said, "Happy Christmas, Sirius."

"I know you hope he's well, but how are you?" Sirius whispered beside me.

I didn't answer for a while. "I'd say I was doing alright if he was wondering, but I can never tell anymore." I dropped my head down onto the back of the sofa. "And I know this shouldn't be a lonely time, but how can it be anything else when there were Christmases when he was mine?"

"I wasn't sure if I should give this to you, but I think I kind of have to now. Reg gave me this letter for you," he said slowly as he pulled a crisply folded piece of parchment out of his front robe pocket.

I snatched it as quickly as I could and had to hold myself back from shooing Sirius away. He must have taken a hint because he quickly made himself scarce without a word.

The letter read;

"Dear James,

I've been doing fine without you. Really, I have. 

Except that without you my nights get cold. And everyone talks to me but you, love. And it seems like everyone else has someone to hold. My brother and Remus, Panda and Xenophilius, hell, even fucking Crouch and Rosier are cuddled up by the fire.

But for me, it's just a lonely time, because there were Christmases when you were mine.

'Merry Christmas' will just have to be something we say this year, huh?

Did Effie knit you another sweater? Did you and Sirius wake up ridiculously early again? And when you were doing your decorations this year, did you notice one less pair of hands?

Christmas has always been a lonely time for me, but there were good Christmases. Christmases when I didn't have to worry about how you are tonight. Christmases when you were mine.

I really miss when you were mine, James.

Yours forever, R. A. B."