Reason

chapter 6

I pounce up from my bed into a sitting position. my shirt is soaking in my sweet making it stick to me as I breathe heavily, unable to catch my breath I throw off the covers and walk towards the bathroom.

All I see in the mirror are my hazel eyes haunted in the darkness of my past. A past I try to run from every living and breathing second of my goddamned life. Every day I see a part of myself slip through my fingers but there's nothing I can do about that.

In just a few more months I won't have to pretend anymore. I can stop and just be the broken person I am. I can put her on display and I would have no one to put up a show for.

I splash my face with cold water and run my hand through my chin length brown hair. I had never been one to dare. Always did what I was supposed to, never asked for anything, never went to any parties or snuck out of home.

I remember my eighteenth birthday, the night before I was supposed to leave for collage. I was sitting against my bathroom door as I held my bleeding wound together. I remember the agonizing pain I felt and the screams I had to stifle as I stitched the deep cut with my own bare hands.

I remember the feeling of my own blood on my hands as it dried into my fingernails leaving a sticky feeling behind.

I feel the bile rile up my throat. The feeling of those hands and sloppy lips. Stumbling back I gasp for a fresh breath of air. Leaning against the cold bathroom wall I keep my eyes open staring into the black and white tiles, knowing that if I close them those memories will haunt me again.

I walk back to my room and slip into a pair of yoga pants and a sports bra as I decide to make a quick trip to the gym since I still have three hours till I have to get ready for work.

Under fifteen minutes I'm outside the gym while my jacket is slightly unzipped from the top revealing some of my cleavage.

I wrap the tape around my hands and then slip on my gloves. Knowing I could be defenceless without a weapon always made me uncomfortable so when I finally had a semblance of control over my life I decided to do something about that which also led to my first heartbreak over a guy I fell in love with at the gym.

We lasted for about a year before he had to go back to australia when his mother got diagnosed with stage two cancer.

I was a mess but I wasn't about to stop him. Scarlet was with me each step of the way and I could never be more thankful for her.

I step in front of the punching bag and punch.

My life.

punch

My Mother.

Punch

My father

Punch

Any control I had over my life.

Punch

"Your lead foot isn't far enough from your back foot. It's harder to shift your weight this way." My body automatically freezes over at the familiar voice that rings through every vein in my body. Turning around I find him leaning against a stack of weights completely shirtless.

My eyes roam over his toned body carelessly as I drink in every little detail I can catch before I come back to my senses. Finally I drag my eyes back up to meet his but I find my boss checking me out. I guess it's only fair since I did nothing different but his lingering eyes on my cleavage are not something I need right now.

I clear my throat which makes his eyes land on mine, knowing he's been caught staring doesn't make him avert his gaze. Instead all he does is smirk at me. He never properly smiles. It's either a frown, a scowl or a smirk but neither one of them does anything but bring butterflies to my stomach. Good god Victoria you have a fucking boyfriend. Internally groaning I look at him again.

"What are you doing here Mr. Dolivo?" I question. He raises an eyebrow at me.

"Last time I checked Victoria anyone with a membership can come and were not in the office so call me Nicoli." Hearing his say my name makes me want to record it on tape and listen to it over and over again.

"Um..Right." I say before turning around to my punching back but this time i'm not counting all the things I hate about my self or my life since my body is highly aware of the presence of a nearly naked billionaire bachelor I call my boss.

Suddenly I feel a slight kick to my back foot which set's it at a slight distance from my front foot. i look over to my right with raised eyebrows. Not answering to my unasked question Nicoli nods at me in indication.

This time I throw a set of punches, shifting my weight from one foot to another and honestly...it's a hundred times better and won't let me wear out in a proper fight. Before I can thank my boss he beats me to it.

"A question in return for the help?" he asks. I won't deny I was expecting this but I sill mull the thought of turning him down but my head is already nodding as I look into his green eyes.

"Why learn boxing out of all the things you could spend your time learning?" The question is tainted with a curious tone but his expression reveals he could care less so I only give him a half truth knowing he will be able to detect a lie from me.

"Pent up anger." Turning around I take off my gloves and tape as I grab my gym bag.

"I'll se you at work Mr. do-Nicoli." Not looking him in the the eye I make my way past him until he grabs onto my wrist. I suck in a sharp breath at the sudden contact making me look back at him with surprise glinting in my eyes as clear as the blue sky.

"There's still three hours left till the working hours start."

"I have a place to visit before that." Shaking off the feeling of the warmth his hands sent through me I turn around and leave.

I've got a fucking grave to visit.