Feels Like Home

Facts

Warnings:  punching and language

It is the blonde that had been stuck by Jake's side all night. Part of her was glad that he had someone there at the moment, the other regretted that it wasn't her. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for her.

"Are you ok? That was some pretty crazy shit," the blonde asks sincerely, a kind smile stretching across her face. She places a beer in front of me, a gesture of friendship at the very least compassion.

I smile back as best as I can as she sits in the chair next to me. It is one of those nights where the air creeps against your skin and dark clouds turn in the sky threatening to block out the moon entirely. I can feel the loss of him to the tips of my toes and the guilt of tonight's events cloud my mind. I sip the beer and begin to speak.

"I'm fine. You should be looking out for Jake." I respond.

She chuckles and I find it odd. "Funny, he said the exact same words to me inside." She pauses. "He will be fine. I mean, he won't be as pretty as he was earlier tonight, but there won't be lasting damage."

My head goes back into my hands, "This is all my fault anyway. I just keep hurting him."

"Nope. Nuh-uh. No way. This is not your fault," she says as she shakes her head and chugs half of her beer at once. "It is completely the fault of that asshole back there. Is he your friend?"

"Yes. Though right now, I don't want to claim him. Dan was just trying to protect me, but he's just such an idiot, most notably when he is drunk. He acts first and thinks later." I answer her through gritted teeth.  As badly as I feel about what happened to Jake, I am just as angry with Dan.

"She gives a knowing look, a little sadness in her eyes, "I can definitely say that I've been there. I have acted on impulse and assumption.  It isn't something I'm proud of," she pauses, "I don't understand why he had to act like such a fucking gorilla. He could have talked to us and avoided all of this mess."

"What happened exactly?" I ask, trying to find out what spurred Dan's rage. Not that he was forgiven no matter what the reason. Not yet.

"Jakey and I were sitting at the bar having a nice conversation with that bartender, Phil..:" her voice pauses ever so slightly at the mention of his name,"...we were talking about old times and how Jake and I met. Phil asked how we came to town and how we found out about the Aurora. Jake said he had a friend that had mentioned it once or twice."

Jakey? She calls him Jakey? Was he referring to me? As a friend? Only a friend. It would make sense, I suppose. He had come here with her.

"Dan, that's his name?" She continues. I nod, "So the asshole, Dan, comes up next to Jake and starts asking all of these questions. "What's your friend's name? Do you know Hannah? Are you Hackerman? What are you doing with her?"

"Before Jake could answer, Dan had pulled him off of the barstool by his collar." Jake tried to calm him down saying, 'Daniel, this is not what you think.' But as Jake answered Dan drew back his arm and punched him right in the nose," she shakes her head and then continues her story.  "I have to give it to the guy. He hit Jake so hard that it knocked him to the ground."

"Speaking of that, shouldn't he go to the hospital to see if his nose is broken?" I ponder, a look of concern creeping up on my face.

"I popped it back in place," she states calmly. "In my former life, I was an EMT. He will be fine. Anyway, Dan was still raging. Yelling and calling everyone names. That is when the crowd gathered and Phil picked up the phone. I thought he was calling the police. He should have."

"Phil and Dan go way back, " I explain, "Everyone in Duskwood goes way back. He would have called if we couldn't control the situation."

She nods. "By the way, you calming him down, getting him out of the bar and out of here, nicely done." The blonde meets my eye. I can see that her words are sincere and her compliment is from her heart.

"Thanks? It was the absolute very least I could do. Jake is hurt. I wish he wasn't." My head returns to my hands as I think about all of the problems I have caused for that amazing, wonderful man.

"I have gathered that Dan thinks Jake was cheating on you in some way, but..."

I interrupt, "Jake was not cheating on me. I have no claim on him. I am glad that you were there to take care of him. I will never get in the way of what you two have." 

I am serious, even if the words break my heart.

The words spill out of me quickly. I want to get through this as fast as possible. I don't need to know what is going on with them and I don't really want to talk about it. Or hear about it. Or think about it.

She stops her train of thought and grabs my hand, she looks tough, but she is compassionate and I can see her good heart in her actions.

"You're right. You will never have what Jakey and I have. I am his best friend and have been for most of his life." She speaks these words with no emotion, it is simply a matter of fact.

I am heartbroken, again. Tears begin to stream down my face for the umpteenth time today.

"Mahri," she pleads softly, "stop crying now and listen." She hands me a napkin from the table and I wipe my eyes. She's right. I need to regain my composure.

I take a few deep breaths. I should be embarrassed because I am a mess. I am a disaster in front of this beautiful and caring person, but I don't have the energy to be embarrassed. I just want to go home and close the curtains and try to repair my heart.

"Mahri, You won't have what we have because there is nothing between us besides friendship. He is my brother. I love him dearly. He will never be out of my life, but you won't be out of his. He loves you. He can't imagine life without you. I can see you feel the same way."

"I do." I hang my head and look at my hands, "I think that I ruined it though. I pushed him away and l don't know if I can fix it."

"Honey, Jake can be a lot. You panicked in part because he pushed you too fast. He admitted all of these feelings to you and you didn't know what to do with them. Am I right?"

"Well, yes, sort of," l respond slowly, trying to find the right words. "I love him and I do want to be with him, I want everything he wants, but the thought of forever, the thought of losing him if forever doesn't work out is terrifying."

"I get that, but our Jake, he is loyal and he loves hard. He never gives up on the people he has chosen to be in his world. He loves you with a pure heart and wants to be with you. I can't promise forever, but I can promise he is worth whatever time you get to have. Even if he is a moron sometimes."

There is hope where there wasn't any.

"I'm Charlotte, by the way, but Jakey calls me Betty. You can too. It's a name saved for friends and family. We are going to be good friends."

At the mention of Betty's name my heart beams, I remember the stories that he told me of his childhood friend and his affection for her.

"Is that a premonition or a command?" I joke.

"Neither, or both. I've decided I like you and if Jake trusts you then I do too." She smiles as she speaks.

I jump up and give her a hug. "I'm so glad to meet you. Jake has mentioned his fondness for you." 

She hugs back but pushes away clearing her throat, almost embarrassed, "Enough of that. You need to go and talk to our boy. He is going crazy without you." She smiles. "Tell him how you feel. He will listen. Let me know if he is an idiot. I'll straighten him out... by the way, that Phil, the bartender, is he single?"

"He is the owner," I answer and watch her eyebrows raise, "and he is very single. Good luck getting him to settle down. He is a big flirt." I warn her.

"I am always up for a challenge." She says as she saunters toward the door with more confidence than any one person should have. I chuckle, Phil really has no idea what is headed his way.

I stand, brushing the wrinkles out of the sweatpants that I am wearing, wishing I had thought to change, and realize I'd better find my own confidence so I can face my love and fix my future.