Bungou Stray Dogs Oneshots

I Just Don't Know (Akutagawa x Kunikida)

(Apparently this ship isn't a thing and yet Fyodor x Akutagawa is?! Huh?!)

(Fine. I'll make it myself.)

"Have you ever argued with someone about something so stupid you laugh when you think back to it?"

"Yeah. Why do you ask?"

"I did that today, and I feel really bad. And I'm not sure how to apologize for it."

"Well, I'm sure you'll figure it out."

~

I couldn't sleep. So, I started at the ceiling in the dark. There was nothing else to do.

My brain wouldn't leave me alone. It was always like this, but it was worse than normal now.

We had argued over something stupid, and yet, we hadn't talked since. It had been two days now, and I missed him. A lot.

Somehow, he always knew what the right decision was. I had trusted him with everything, and he could destroy me if he wanted to. It wouldn't take him long.

Why did we even argue? We both knew it was stupid, yet we did it anyway. It's funny how humans work. We realize something is pointless and stupid and yet we continue doing it anyway. It's a never ending cycle.

I got up and went to the kitchen. I ate a sandwich. Then, I went back to bed.

And I still couldn't sleep.

"If your head is overflowing, let it flow onto paper. Paper is reusable."

I grabbed a pen and a notepad and flipped on my lamp. I scribbled three thoughts down.

I miss him.

I love him.

I don't want to lose him.

I turned off the lamp and sat the pen and the notepad on the table next to me.

I really don't want to lose him. I should apologize. But how do I do it?

"Just try, and everything will work out in the end."

But was it really enough to just say I was sorry?

No, of course not.

I checked my phone. He hadn't texted or called. Maybe he didn't want to talk to me.

I lay there thinking of ways to apologize for the rest of the night.

~

"Just let it go. You'll help yourself if you do that."

"I know, but I don't want to. I can't lose him. I'm not sure why."

"Well, you need sleep, so you'll have to do something soon."

I nodded.

~

"Don't worry. No matter what, you'll always have me."

But what if I don't? Do you hate me? How would I even know?

I looked at the clock on my phone.

I really need to get some sleep.

I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. My brain wouldn't let me.

Why can't I stop thinking of that time I fell asleep waiting on him to finish working and he let me stay the night with him? There has to be something wrong with me.

I listened to my own breathing for a minute.

Why can't I just hate him? It'd be easier that way.

"Maybe you love, and that's why you care so much?"

"If that's the case, then that's a beautiful thing. Cherish it."

I shuffled around a bit.

I can't hate him. I wish I could, but I just can't. My body won't let me.

"It's kind of like being held in a cage, isn't it?"

I couldn't sleep that night either.

~

"You have to sleep. Just forget about him."

"It's not that easy."

"I know, but.... You have to do something. Whatever it takes."

I nodded.

~

"I don't want to forget about you, so I wrote down the tale of us becoming friends."

He must hate me now.

"I don't care if anyone else judges me for it. As long as it reminds me of you, that's all I need."

And I need you to hate me.

Or do I even?

I have to talk to him at some point. How could I even let this happen?

I typed "hey" in the text bar, but I didn't send it. That button terrorized me the rest of the night and all day the next day.

~

"If someone gives you advice that isn't helpful, try not to be mad. It may be an inconvenience, but maybe they don't know what to do any more than you do."

You always saw things from everyone's perspective. That's one of the things that made you so special.

At this point, I'm just torturing myself. I'm going to have to press that button to escape from this cycle of a nightmare.

I picked up my phone and hesitated.

What if this only makes things worse?

They can't get any worse.

I pressed the button and sent the message. Then, I put my phone down and actually fell asleep.

I hope this goes well.

Author's Note:
I have had dreams about this ship for a month and a half now at least, but never formulated an actual idea for it.

Then I did, and I wrote this immediately.

Thank you Shrek 2 soundtrack!

And also, this was somewhat based on real experiences I've had.

Anywho- thanks for reading, and the word count is......

850 words!