easy to hate u, better to love u 》 bill denbrough

e i g h t

the rest of the losers club had left my room long before the sun went down, but bill was still here, despite the fact that it was in the middle of the night. it seems to be a recurring theme in our relationship that we’re talking in my room when it’s dark out.

“you know you can leave too?” i ask, breaking the tense silence that had been there before.

“i kn-know. w-why do y-you ask?”

“because you’ve been here for several hours and haven’t said anything. you just sit in your special spot over there on my bed.”

“i’ve b-b-been think-thinking.”

“about?”

“u-us.”

“i didn’t realize there was an ‘us.’”

“n-not like that. o-our re-relationship in g-g-general.”

“and what conclusions have you come to?”

“n-none. it’s a-all pretty confusing.”

“how so?”

“w-well… y-you wanted n-n-nothing to do with m-me or m-my friends b-b-before. and it s-s-seems random th-that you w-want t-to be our f-f-friend now, b-but i kn-know it’s not a-actually.”

“you don’t seem confused,” i said, getting kind of confused myself.

“it’s h-h-hard to explain.”

“i’d like to think i’m a damn good listener.”

“i d-don’t r-r-really understand y-you. like you s-s-say you d-don't like bowers a-and don't w-want to be with h-h-him but you also c-can't leave him and i understand th-that part. b-b-but, you ran a-away f-fr-from him earlier and y-you weren’t scared t-th-then. what if we d-d-didn't win the r-rock war? w-what if we didn’t a-a-agree to be y-your friends and h-h-help you out? y-y-you clearly want to l-leave and say you’re s-sc-scared to, but sometimes you a-act like y-you're not scared of h-h-him at all.”

“the main thing that encouraged me to run was ben’s eardrum bursting scream,” i said, laughing lightly. “but i don’t know. i guess i just had hope in that moment. maybe even a feeling deep down that everything would be alright, but that’s dumb.”

“a-also i don’t g-g-get the love-hate r-r-relationship we have. y-you hated us, w-w-we h-hated you, and one d-day suddenly c-ch-changes that.”

“i never hated you guys… well i mean, i did for like five seconds before i learned about you. to be fair though, it was easier just to hate you guys with henry breathing down my neck and watching my every move. the change was sudden, sure, but it’s only because you guys took a few minutes to listen to me.”

“y-yeah.”

“you know what’s really crazy to think about? at least to me.”

“what?”

“a few days ago i was convinced that despite the abuse i suffered, i was gonna be happy with henry. and now i know i’d rather have literally anyone else.”

“th-that is weird t-to think a-about.”

a somehow deafening and comforting silence followed this statement. allowing us both to think about everything.

“you know i never got the chance to say this before, due to hating you and all, but i’m really sorry about your brother. i heard about what happened, but i bet he’s still out there somewhere. if you wanted to go look, i’d help.”

a very bright smile from ear-to-ear formed on his face. he practically jumped over to hug me. i hugged him back. the embrace felt warm and comfortable, like no harm could come to me as long as i am with him. i don’t know how long we were hugging, but i know that i didn’t let go until he did, and he didn’t let go.