The Kiwi and Sriracha Tragedy

Prologue

Life was always the same.

Ever since I got here.

I stayed in the same spot and I saw the same things.

People walking by, food items getting finally out of this wretched place.

Life on the shelf was boring.

The most exciting thing to see was the salsa and taco shells fight all the time. And sometimes even that got annoying or repetitive.

I did have my pal to the right of me though, he was also sriracha sauce. We always argued about who will go first, me or him. But we're both still here so, it's pointless. Nonetheless he's definitely the closest thing I have to a friend, so I'm cool with him.

Now on the left of me, was sweet chili sauce. And I can tell you right now, that she was not sweet. We didn't like each other, to say the least. I can't tell you how much we have fought. There was one time she almost knocked me off the shelf, and everyone knows, that's knocking someone off the shelf is the biggest sin in grocery store life.

- 3 months ago -

I looked over at the sweet chili sauce who got here two weeks ago, and has been nothing but a pain in the ass.

"What do you think the nicest thing sweet chili sauce has done?" I looked at my friend and waited for an answer.

"Seems like nothing which is surprising sense she has the word sweet in her name," my friend, sriracha sauce, said.

I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Hey! I heard that!" Yelled sweet chili sauce, "you think it's funny to make jokes about me with your little friend?"

I scoffed, rolling my eyes at her, "Oh chill out, maybe if you weren't so grumpy all the time and just talked to us we wouldn't have made one."

Sweet chili sauce inches closer to sriracha sauce and asks, "What the hell did you just say about me?"

Everyone in the asile was now silent and had there attention on us. I'd say fights happen everyday here, but this one seemed a bit more intense and entertaining to the other foods.

Sweet chili sauce was in my face now when I said, "Back up bitch." I could see the rage fuming  from her bottle. It did not look pretty.

"Say that again, I dare you," she said with the most sinister voice.

"Back the f——— up bitch." I wasn't gonna let her bitch me around.

That's when she pushed me. I started to feel my body weigh backwards and the gravity pull me down. For a split second, I thought it was the end. I thought that my life was flashing before my eyes. I thought that my dreams of becoming bought, were over. But then my fall stopped. And I realized my friend saved me.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm good, thanks."  I said with a pant. I couldn't believe I almost just died. I turned my head away from my friend and looked angrily at sweet chili sauce.

There were a bunch of gasps in the aisle, everyone looked at sweet chili sauce as if she committed a homicide. And they also looked at my friend as a hero.

I finally yelled back at her, "Are you serious right now!? You almost killed me!"

"Yeah well don't make jokes about me!" She screamed and backed away from me and my friend, leaving us alone for the rest of the day.

So it was a big deal.

Anyways, that's just a little bit of what my life is like as sriracha sauce, and it is definitely just starting.

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