I am not ready for the new year, it is a new starting point for me
As much as I hope for something new, it's all the same to me. The year starts off with me talking with someone amazing and we hit it off and then it seems that something just holds us apart from each other and eventually I lose them; that is the moment that I lose myself and go into sorrow but, maybe this year will be different...hopefully. Currently, I'm chatting with this guy and we are getting along pretty well, but our age difference is 4 years, which isn't so large but for now, it is building up a barrier on our side of the road. The problem may just be that I'm overanalyzing everything a little bit too much.I'm not sure of his exact age, but I have a good idea of it and feel like I'm right.I'm not sure of his exact age, but I believe I am right about it.I don't want to call anything love, because I have attachment issues and am afraid of being hurt again. I hate having someone who barely knows me as a crush just because they provide me with attention.I don't think he's interested in me or my looks. But I don't care; I already know nothing is going to happen between us. Now i wanna talk about this guy who always comments on my shit with just negative vibe and speech. never has anything good to say and just brings me down all the time, i wanna block him but idk why i just cant..........he gives me attention. I am still chasing a feeling that eludes me. It's love—it is so frustrating. I am jealous of people who are in love and not afraid of being hurt. I want that feeling of being loved and cared for by someone. I want someone to love me for who I am, not what they can get from me. I want someone who will listen to my problems, make me happy, protect me and care about me because they love me for who I am and not just my money or status. I always try to be at peace with myself, but I cannot help but think how much happier I would be if I had someone to share my life with.
