To my dear Chuuya...

CHAPTER 19

!!!TW: SH!!!

Chuuya frantically opened the door to their room, being met by silence and darkness, Dazai not being anywhere in sight. A bad feeling formed in the redhead's heart as he noticed the light coming from the bathroom, a lump forming in his throat as he hurried towards the door, clumsily opening it. His heart almost stopped at the sight in front of him, temporarily frozen and unable to move, just staring at Dazai.

The boy was in the bathtub, a pool of red flowing from his wrists and surrounding him in neat puddles of scarlet. He seemed paler than before, and, in contrast to the red of his own blood, he almost looked like a ghost. The bandages he usually wore were thrown away in the trash, some new ones neatly placed on the sink.

Dazai's eyes filled with shock as Chuuya barged into the bathroom, dropping the bloody boxcutter he was using on himself on the bathroom floor next to the bathtub. Neither of them spoke and silence filled the room, Chuuya feeling more and more difficulty breathing as he watched Dazai bleeding.

Then, something finally snapped inside him, making the redhead rush towards the bleeding boy, jumping in the bathtub, ignoring the blood that was staining his clothes. Dazai stared at him with a dumbfounded expression, unable to say anything, both from the shock and the dizziness he was currently feeling due to the blood loss.

Chuuya grabbed the bandages Dazai prepared, taking his arms and desperately wrapping them up tightly, trying his best to stop the bleeding. Still unable to say anything, Dazai watched him carefully wrapping his wounds, then his gaze silently shifted to his face, his heart hurting as he saw angry tears dripping down Chuuya's cheeks.

"You damn bastard," Chuuya angrily whispered, but behind that anger Dazai could clearly feel the pain in his voice. Using his free hand, the redhead wiped away his tears, leaving a small trail of Dazai's blood on his cheek. "Are you completely insane? How could you have done such a stupid thing? Look at how much blood you've lost. God, imagine if I didn't find you! Who knows what would have happened? What if you passed out and you just bled to death, you stupid fucking idiot?" he scolded him, but he wasn't paying attention to his words. Dazai was fondly staring at Chuuya's face with a warm look in his eyes, barely comprehending the words he was saying due to the fogginess in his mind and the dizziness.

"You're beautiful," Dazai said all of a sudden, making Chuuya freeze in place. "Really, really beautiful," he whispered, gently caressing the redhead's cheek with his bloody hand, using all his strength to pull himself up and press his lips against Chuuya's, sweetly kissing him. The redhead softened under his touch, welcoming his kiss. Then, the redhead slowly pulls away, the look in his eyes being softer than before. "Let me clean this blood off of us," he quietly said, taking a towel and wetting it with some warm water.

After he managed to clean the blood off of both of them, Chuuya carefully lead Dazai to the bed, helping him lay down next to him. There was a moment of silence between the both of them, the quiet in the room feeling louder than any scream. Then, Dazai tensed up against Chuuya. "It scares me. The things I'm capable of doing," he quietly said, his voice barely above a whisper. But Chuuya heard him. He always did.

The redhead gently pulled Dazai closer, hugging his head close to his chest, caressing his head in a comforting manner. He knew he was referring to the teacher he killed. Now that he knew his past, Chuuya could understand why he felt this way. But then he thought about the bandages that he always wore, or the times he spent way too long in the bathroom, exiting with a weird look in his eyes.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" Chuuya asked, but his voice wasn't accusing. He genuinely could not comprehend why Dazai felt the need to hurt himself, but he wanted to understand. He felt powerless and it scared him.

Silence filled the room, Dazai being both surprised and confused by the question. Confused, because to him it seemed like such a natural thing that he had to think long and hard for an answer. Why was he doing this to himself? After a few minutes of silence, Dazai's answer came in a soft whisper-like voice, Chuuya barely hearing him. "It quiets my thoughts. The thoughts that tell me that I deserve to be hurt; that I deserve to bleed."

After his answer, Chuuya hugged him even closer to his chest, softly planting a kiss on the top of his head, thinking about his words. "I think I understand now," he said, rubbing Dazai's back. "This was your way of surviving, and I don't blame you for it. You did everything you could to keep going," he continued, a short pause before adding, "But you're not alone anymore, Dazai," he said, grabbing his face with both of his hands and making him look at him. "I'm here now. When your thoughts get too loud, share them with me. We'll share the burden together, and we'll quiet them. You don't have to fight alone anymore," he said, not leaving room for any complaints.

Dazai stared at him with big eyes, surprised by his words. Was this really possible? Could he be selfish enough to burden Chuuya with what was going on in his mind? Could he even put his thoughts into words for him? What if it was too much for Chuuya and he left him? After all, it wasn't Chuuya's job to take care of him or to put up with all his problems.

As if he read his thoughts, the redhead pulled him into a soft kiss, his lips feeling like soft petals against his. "Don't overthink this, mackerel," he said, giving Dazai a reassuring smile.

That was when all his thoughts melted away, his heart jumping at the sight of his smile, not being able to stop one from forming on his own face. "Alright," he quietly said, his voice holding a promise.

And so, Dazai Osamu was alive and safe in Chuuya's arms.

But somebody did die that night.

Sakunosuke Oda died due to lung failure at exactly 1:52 in the morning.

To be continued...

Did y'all really think I'd give you a nice cute moment without ending it with some angst? ;)

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