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"I'm nervous. I really want to study in the same university as you, Seul." ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
"No use wondering why your change in heart has wandered. So I'll ask you a question cause it might help me sleep longer. When did you fall out of love?" - out of love (alessia cara)
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YESEUL
Niki had a funny look on his face.
It was an expression Yeseul was sure she knew, she just couldn't remember what it was exactly. There were hints of annoyance judging by how his jaw clenched but she couldn't figure out what had ruffled this guy's feather, and quite frankly, she didn't want to know more than she could tell. Being civil never meant being friends. Proceeding to continue eating her pepero, she basked herself in the awkward silence between them, trying not to make a comment which could ruin an already ruined atmosphere.
Yeseul's eyes traveled to her phone which only had about 13% left before it officially dies and render her incapable of contacting anyone she knew, particularly Jeongin who was her only hope in this mess she had found herself in. Jeongin was not a classmate nor someone who studied in the same university as her, he was a friend she had met accidentally in the park. That day she was tasked to help film a short skit whose setting was in that specific park, and while she busily moved around, trying to get all sort of angles, she had suddenly hit someone, who was just as surprise as her when their gadgets fell to the ground.
Many people who shared encounters like that often never meet after, but since Yeseul had to return there for another week and Jeongin was somehow just there, in gratitude to some unknown force, the two suddenly clicked. Every once and a while they would meet, talk about how tired they were or sometimes, they would just eat in a restaurant, which he always insist on paying. For the last two years, that's how they formed their friendship.
All of a sudden, Yeseul jumps when Niki's phone suddenly fell in the table, creating a loud thud which immediately reaches her ear. "Sorry." He mutters, still with a pout.
"Okay, what's wrong with you? Why are you... sulking?" Finally Yeseul has had enough of his unusual behavior. There was an uncertainty in her tone because she wasn't entirely sure whether he was sulking or if this is just one episode of his which she was yet to learn.
"What do you mean sulking? I'm not sulking." The tempo of his voice was faster than ordinary, and only a fool wouldn't notice how defensive it sounded. The glare on her face only earned her an eye roll. "I really am not sulking!"
"I know you're not sulking! But something has definitely ruffled your feathers and it's bothering me!" She emphasizes. "And you know it always does, so either you tell me why or if not, then just stop."
"Fine I'll stop with whatever it is that's bothering you!" Niki fires back, still with a frown on his face which did not help dissipate the annoyance she felt with his current behavior.
Yeseul scoffs. "You're not stopping!"
"Because I don't know what it is you want me to stop!"
"Your sulking!"
"I'm not sulking! I'm bothered, okay?! I'm bothered about something... I shouldn't be bothered about!" There it was. The truth which he was trying so hard to conceal from her, yet much to his misfortune, the girl sitting right in front of him almost knew the shape of his soul.
Yeseul had always thought of Niki as an open book, only to discover a year into their relationship that she just really knew him well enough to know what he was thinking or why he's acting that way. But four years spent apart had been enough to turn such a talent stale. Slowly, she realized just how much details of his she was starting to forget and she wanted to see it as a good sign; another step forward to fully moving on. Yet she wondered why something felt odd about it, or rather, it didn't feel right as she thought it would be.
Perhaps, Yeseul had just gotten used to having Niki as a part of her life. And removing that part was as difficult as it was peeling a bandaid.
"Bothered by what?" Yeseul asked, wondering just what it was that suddenly changed him. She looked back to the events from earlier, looking for a moment which could have been a turning point. And surprisingly enough, she immediately discovered one. "Don't tell me..."
It all made sense while at the same time, it didn't.
"You seriously can't be bothered about Jeongin..." Her tone had made it obvious that she wanted him to say no. To deny the accusations she was currently telling him, but the silence, the evident defeat on his face, it had prompted her to stand up. "Nishimura Riki, tell me right now that isn't the case!"
"Why are you making it sound as if it's so bad?"
"Because it doesn't make sense, Niki! It doesn't make sense why you would be bothered because of my friend. It doesn't make sense why you would even feel that way when we're not in a relationship anymore— the same one you were responsible of breaking!" Yeseul didn't know why she was so worked up. Maybe it had been the awakening of forgotten feelings which she had purposely and very quickly transformed into rage.
Perhaps it was also fear. The fear that she was going to move ten steps backward after four years of trying to keep everything about her youth in the past. Afraid that she'd be back in the same state she was where even with a camera, she was still inconsolable.
"I think about what I did everyday, Yeseul. I think about what I've done to you— to us. I know it doesn't make sense, hell I'm probably as confused as you, but everything I said earlier is exactly what I'm feeling right now." Finally, he stood up yet he still refused to raise his voice at her.
"Good. At least I know even for some tiny bit, you actually cared about me." Yeseul says, standing up as well and walking away.
She could feel his stare at her, but she was quite sure he wasn't following her.
And a tiny part of her wished he did.
She wished that he would stop her and say that she was wrong; that she had sized his affections for her too little and the one he actually harbored could never be spoken by mere words. But wishes remained unfulfilled and soon enough, she turned left and back into the isles where his eyes could no longer follow her.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ AUTHOR'S NOTE :
ok i promise u this is the only angst in the story btw sorry for the short chap :< cant think of anything anymore will make it up to you with the next chapters :>
