Anderperry Oneshots Collection

Faint

It came on fast and it came out of nowhere. Todd was sitting in his room, studying, a million things racing through his mind, when a heavy panicked feeling settled on his chest.

He tried to push it down, to ignore it as he'd done in the past, but it grew and lingered, wrapping itself around him in a sickly strong sort of way.

The lights in the room became too bright. The sounds of his neighbors were too loud. What was he even panicking about? His homework? Where was his homework?

On the floor. The paper was on the floor. 

He tried to scoop it up. 

Todd's head was a mess of disjointed thoughts. 

He started hyperventilating. Was he overworking himself again? Should he call someone? Who?

"Neil?" It came out as quiet as a whisper. He needed help. He needed help!

Where was Neil? Why wasn't he coming? Was he dead? No, of course not, he's not dead. Todd shut his eyes, and tried to calm down. His homework was on the floor. 

Where was Neil? 

Todd looked around, trying to fight off the panic. He couldn't get enough air, he needed more air.

Five things he could see. Five... a desk. A closet. A closet doesn't count. Yes it does, a closet. Paper on the floor. Homework.

Neil walked in the room just as Todd's vision started to fade to black.

Todd fluttered his eyes open and tried to sit up.

"Shhh...." Neil said, and led him to lay back down. "Don't sit up just yet."

Todd found himself laying tucked in bed. Neil sat beside him, holding a glass of water.

"Here," he said, handing Todd the cup.

Todd took a sip of water. 

Neil gave him a minute before asking him questions. "What was that? He asked gently.

Todd blushed in embarrassment. "It...I get panic attacks and...I guess..."

Neil nodded sympathetically. "It went too far this time."

"..yeah..."

"It's okay Todd. Next time, I'll know and I won't let you get hurt. It'll be fine next time," Neil sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than Todd.

"Neil...it wasn't your fault-"

"Don't you even try to comfort me, Anderson," Neil insisted. "That's not your job, and it wasn't your fault either. I know how panic attacks work. You don't need to comfort me."

Todd smiled, getting used to being taken care of.

"Can I get you anything? Painkiller? I think you hit your head on the bed frame."

"No, it's fine. You can go to bed."

Neil did, reluctantly so. 

It happened again a few weeks later.

Todd tried to hide it, to stay perfectly still, even though he was feeling too hot and wanted to crawl out of his skin.

Neil, reading on his bed, noticed nonetheless. "Todd?" he checked. 

Todd breathed heavily."It's happening again," he said through a choking voice.

"Okay, okay," Neil made his way to Todd's bed. "What is your poem about?"

No response, but Neil talked on.

"I haven't written mine yet, but I think it's going to be about flowers. I was a little reluctant but Captain said it could be about anything, so flowers it is. What's your favorite flower, Todd?"

Todd considered this. "Forget-me-not," he replied hastily. He tried to focus on Neil's words.

"You know, that's funny because I always forget their names. But I still love how blue they are. Y'know today the lake looked that blue. I was walking by and I saw this blue lake and I saw this cool bird. I know you saw a cool bird by the lake the other day, too. What did it look like, again?"

"Uh...It was yellow. With, um..."

Neil nodded in encouragement.

"...with black wings."

"Really? Like a bumblebee? That's awesome, I think that's called a goldfinch. I had this uncle who knew all about birds, and he taught me a few ones around here. He got all of them from this big book in his library. Hey, I know you just read a cool poem. What did you say it was called?"

Todd took a beat. "As I Walked Out One Eveing by...by W.H. Auden."

"Do you remember any of it?

Todd furrowed his brow, holding onto this focus. "'I'll love you till the ocean/Is folded and hung up to dry/And the seven stars go squawking/Like geese about the sky."

"I'd rather you didn't, I fucking hate geese."

Todd laughed half-heartedly and continued. "'The years shall run like rabbits,/For in my arms I hold/The Flower of the Ages,/And the first love of the world."

"That's great, do you remember any more?"

Todd clung onto this beam of light in the huge lingering darkness. He held onto Neil's words and tried to follow his instructions. 

"Just a bit...um...But all the clocks in the city/Began to whirr and chime:/'O let not Time deceive you,/You cannot conquer Time... That's all."

"That does sound like a cool poem, I see why you were telling me about in. In fact, I'd like to go read that for myself. Do you want to come with me to the library?"

Todd took a final deep breath and nodded.

"Alright, after you."

A little shaken up, but feeling much better, Todd walked Neil to the library.