Never Mine

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IB: cowboylexapro (tumblr) 

"Charlie's had some pretty weird crushes, too," Knox said, grasping at any means to defend himself. 

This meeting of the Dead Poets Society had taken a quick turn. Poetry lay on the cave floor, long forgotten while the conversation became wild. The poets seemed to have ganged up on him in a matter of minutes, teasing him relentlessly about his little infatuation with Chris.

"Oh yeah? Name one."

"Lacy Banafel, seventh grade," he said, without hesitation.

The flames of hell burned behind Charlie's eyes.

"I remember her," Neil remarked. "That's the one you gave yourself a black eye for, right?"

"Excuse me?" Todd asked, at the same time Charlie groaned the words "shut up."

Neil listened to the former. "Somehow, little seventh grader Charlie got it in his head that to impress Lacy--who, by the way, was sixteen when this happened--he had to prove he was some kind of tough guy."

"Are you saying I'm not tough?"

"I'm saying you fell face-first onto a basketball, Charlie."

Todd began to laugh.

He had finally begun to see himself as one of the group, and these old stories no longer bothered him. He used to take it almost as an attack, a stiff reminder that no matter how close he became with the group of boys, he hadn't been there to witness the hectics of boyhood with them. 

But more recently, he found himself laughing at these stories. The feelings of discussion seemed to melt away with experience and all was well.

It certainly helped--to some degree--when he started dating Neil. A hand to take hold of during these times, something that said 'So what, you weren't here before. You're here now, okay?

"Meeks thinks you're funny," Charlie said, and Cameron gulped, knowing he was next. "I bet Rebecca Gaiman thought you were funny, too."

"Hang on, that's not fair," Cameron interjected. "I didn't know our parents were dating."

"You had a crush on your step-sister," Charlie teased. "Pervert."

"She wasn't even legally my sister," he tried, but it was too late. Everyone was already keeled over. 

Cameron furrowed his eyebrows, raising his voice to be heard over their collective cackling. 

"Well, on the subject of dating a sibling, I think Neil has something to say."

 Neil, fingers intertwined with Todd's, widened his eyes at this bold claim. "Do I?"

"Not your sibling, mind you," Meeks added. "But...you know..."

"Oh, I get it now!" Charlie declared, and took a long drag of his smoke. "He must've never gotten over his crush on Jeff Anderson."

Todd turned to him. "You liked my brother?"

Neil felt his ears go red. "How could I not? He's almost as handsome as you."

But Neil's attempt at saving the interaction failed, and slowly--like a drop of water falling off a leaf--he felt Todd pull his hand away.

-

When walking back from the meeting, it was typical for Neil and Todd to linger behind in the cave for moment, and have that freedom that they so often missed when in more public places.

Because of that, Neil's surprise when Todd stood with the others was dismal. 

"Todd, aren't you going too...?"

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⏰ Last updated: Nov 16, 2023 ⏰

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