A Match Made in Hell

48

I wake up to the sudden sound of something falling to the floor, crashing loudly as a few people gasp around me and everyone goes quiet.

"Shit." Somebody whispers, a male voice hissing in embarrassment.

"He's awake." Somebody breaks the silence, I can feel somebody shaking me awake.

"Nick." Somebody whispers in my ear, somebody I recognise but can't tell who.

I slowly open my eyes, my heavy eyelids making it hard for me to do so.

Somebody turns off almost all the lights, leaving a small one on.

And the only thing that goes through my head, the only thing I can think of is Karl, because that's what he would have done.

I don't know how long it has been without him, a few hours, maybe a few days. I have no idea how long I've been out, but I've never wanted anything as much as I want Karl to hold me right now.

But I don't think that's possible.

"Give us a second, will you?" The same voice whispers to the others around us, and I notice it's clay.

They all exit the room, but I don't seem to recognise anybody other than George in the current state I'm in right now. I feel as if my brain in not functioning in the correct way.

I can hear the sound of the door being shut, footsteps slowly fading away as they all walk out of the room.

Clay turns to me, not saying anything at first as he just stands there, staring at me like I'm a complete stranger, like there's something off about me.

Like I'm a fucking monster.

"Why, Nick?" He suddenly asks quietly. "I'm just wondering why."

"I just— I thought he did something really bad and without thinking I instantly blamed him-"

"Not that." He interrupts. "I don't care about that."

I tilt my head slightly in confusion, truly not knowing what he's talking about.

"Why did you cut yourself, nick?" His voice breaks.

And suddenly, I feel like the world has broken into millions of pieces. I didn't want to hear this from anyone, especially not clay.

I sit up straight, but he gently pushes me back onto the bed when my head starts spinning, and I suddenly feel like I could pass out again.

"I didn't tell anybody." He swallows the lump in his throat. "I just want to know why, I want to understand."

"I dont know." I shake my head.

"I know you do." He says simply. "Please, nick. I just want to help you."

At this moment, it's like I've forgotten how to speak. I try to talk to him, explain to him something so simple, but I can't manage to.

I'm choking on my words, unable to speak properly.

"Take your time, it's okay."

I take one deep breath, not knowing where to start.

"Did you talk to Karl?" I ask before I start.

"I did, yeah." He nods slowly. "I know what happened."

I nod back at him, turning away as I look down at my  hands fidgeting on my lap.

"At that moment, even when karl was still there, I felt like I wanted to kill myself." I started. "I fucked up and I know it, but Karl didn't seem to think any of my apologies were real."